jueves, julio 24, 2008

Interlude.




Just like Nevermind.

25 comentarios:

Diablo dijo...

buen pedo

Anónimo dijo...

saco

Anónimo dijo...

con el dedo por que con el pie no puedo y con el codo me enredo todo

eo dijo...

el mensaje subliminal del centro... sublime. Lo que me saca de onda... ¿montar chichis? Ah caray, como es eso?

No se si a eso se le puede llamar lluvia de ideas o de pendejadas, creo que ambas,sino, son lo mismo.

Anónimo dijo...

los esta agarrando d pend... jeje buen pedo? ssssacorrer

Anónimo dijo...

wtf!!?

Anónimo dijo...

y esto es lo que pasa cuando los memes son demasiado comerciales y existe la necesidad de hacer algo que no muchos conocen

Anónimo dijo...

Joseph Evers welcomes new LinkedIn and Facebook connections!
Japanese Bug Fights
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to: navigation, search


Only in Japan...
Only in Japan...
THIS WILL BE OUR FINAL BATTLE!
THIS WILL BE OUR FINAL BATTLE!

Japanese Bug Fights are, in essence, the pinnacle of Japanese culture and one of the most awesome things you can find on the internets (right behind pornography and Encyclopedia Dramatica). The phrase "Japanese Bug Fights" refers to a 30-part video series featuring various kinds of insects, arachnids, and other terrifying creatures battling to the death in a little plastic arena. Naturally, something this fucked up could only come from Japan.
Contents
[hide]

* 1 The Videos
* 2 Round The 1th: FIGHT!
* 3 Competitors
o 3.1 Beetles
o 3.2 Scorpions
o 3.3 Jerusalem Cricket
o 3.4 Camel Spider
o 3.5 African Cave Spider (Tailless Whip Scorpion)
o 3.6 Centipedes
o 3.7 Japanese Hornet
o 3.8 Tarantula
o 3.9 Lobster
o 3.10 Praying Mantis
o 3.11 Grasshopper
* 4 Controversy
* 5 See Also
* 6 External Links

[edit] The Videos
Check out those hi-tech grafix.
Check out those hi-tech grafix.
They have one lifting weights, WTF?
They have one lifting weights, WTF?
Anon will make a Godhand Edit out of anything.
Anon will make a Godhand Edit out of anything.

The videos have gained quite a bit of notoriety and infamy on the webs, and are very popular among both 13 year old boys and sick fucks who like watching things kill each other (the internet's two key demographics). The videos are all hosted on japanesebugfights.com, but most of the videos, as well as others, can be found on gladiatorbugs.com or YouTube.

Japanesebugfights.com seems to be the original source of the videos. The videos have all sorts of elaborate graphics, sound effects, and epic music played in the background, making the videos all the lulzier. Additionally, one thing that is simultaneously great yet irritating about the videos is that trademark Japanese commentary. While Japanese commentary can make pretty much any event hilarious, it's impossible to tell what's being said, since nobody has ever bothered to translate the moonspeak. This becomes a problem at the end of some of the videos, since there isn't always a clear winner and both bugs are sometimes left alive. It is assumed that the Japs then go to the scorecard to declare the winner. And perhaps the lulziest part of all is that the site displays ads for pest control during the whole thing. In addition to the 30-part video series, the site also has a section for user-submitted content. However, there are only 4 user-submitted videos, one of which was baleeted from YouTube. Finally, there's a rules section, showing that this forced battling of mindless creatures is, in fact, very organized and professional.

RULES OF JAPANESE BUG FIGHTS

1th Rule: You do not talk about Japanese Bug Fights.
2th Rule: You DO NOT talk about Japanese Bug Fights.
3th Rule: If a bug says "stop," goes limp, or taps out, the fight is over.
4th Rule: Only two bugs to a fight.
5th Rule: One fight at a time.
6th Rule: No shirts, no shoes.
7th Rule: Fights will go on as long as they have to.
8th Rule: If this is your first night at Japanese Bug Fights, you HAVE to fight.

Oh sorry, those are the rules to Fight Club. Though it shares a couple rules with Fight Club, Japanese Bug Fights is actually closer to Thunderdome's "two men enter, one man leaves":

1. Two Bugs to a fight
2. Bug fights go on as long as they have to
3. No outside weapons in Bug Fights

Of course, use of pokeballs, or other trainer intervention is not possible, as the participants are isolated in the plastic cube.

On the Americanized site Gladiatorbugs.com, most of these videos are hosted along with a bunch of others from around the web. Coupled with the videos are descriptions and information on some of the noble insect warriors. This site also allows comments, so you get some interesting discussion, as well.

Finally, as with mostly anything else in the world, you can find tons of these videos on YouTube. And, of course, the best thing about watching the videos on YouTube is reading the comments. Along with the standard "ZOMG AWESOME 5 STARS!!1" responses and the inevitable whining about animal rights, there's also a fair amount of professional analysis of the fights and people arguing over their favorite competitors. For example:




dude, do you even know what ur saying??

OFCOURSE THE SCORP WILL WIN IF IT'S TWICE AS BIG... >.> because the stag beetle dun have offence anymore of it's fangs..




—YouTube commenter AntieTurk defending his competitor of choice





HAHAHAHA!!!!! No law in insects fighting. fuck you PETA!



—Commenter viperpack shares his two cents


[edit] Round The 1th: FIGHT!

The first video in the series - Camel Spider vs. Giant Cricket (Orthopteran)




Let's SEE what happens if the Japanese Bug Fighting Federation has the Jerusalem Cricket (potato bug?) fights either a Goliath spider or a Assassin Bug or even a Black Widow Spider?? Or a army of Fire Ants Or Bulldog Ants?



—The possibilities are endless



The final video in the series - Stag Beetle vs. Scorpion




very technical fight. the bug sweaped scopian from a side control to a kimura. scopian was able to free his arm from what appeared to be an arm bar but was picked up and slammed.



—suncoast233 gives a very detailed fight analysis


Tarantula, kicking ass
Tarantula, kicking ass
Hornet, I choose you!
Hornet, I choose you!
Beetle versus scorpion in the finals
Beetle versus scorpion in the finals

* The 1th - Giant Cricket (Orthopteran) vs. Camel Spider (and yes, they actually spell it with a "th")
* The 2th - Scorpion vs. Hornet (not available on JBF.com)
* The 3th - Stag Beetle vs. Scorpion
* The 4th - Tropical Centipede vs. Hornet
* The 5th - Stag Beetle vs. Atlas Beetle
* The 6th - Camel Spider vs. Praying Mantis
* The 7th - Scorpion vs. Tarantula
* The 8th - Stag Beetle vs. Lobster
* The 9th - Cave Centipede vs. Cricket (Orthopteran)
* The 10th - Hornet vs. Praying Mantis
* The 11th - Scorpion vs. Lobster
* The 12th - Tropical Centipede vs. Hornet - (Rematch)
* The 13th - Tarantula vs. Rhinoceros Beetle
* The 14th - African Cave Spider vs. Praying Mantis
* The 15th - Hornet vs. Scorpion - (Rematch)
* The 16th - Scorpion vs. Tropical Centipede
* The 17th - Scorpion vs. Tarantula
* The 18th - Cricket (Orthopteran) vs. Praying Mantis
* The 19th - Camel Spider vs. Praying Mantis
* The 20th - Atlas Beetle vs. Lobster
* The 21th - Scorpion vs. Tropical Centipede - Rematch
* The 22th - Scorpion vs. Scorpion
* The 23th - Stag Beetle vs. Tropical Centipede
* The 24th - Tropical Centipede vs. Scorpion - Again
* The 25th - Atlas Beetle vs. Scorpion
* The 26th - Tarantula vs. African Cave Spider
* The 27th - Hornet vs. Grasshopper
* The 28th - African Cave Spider vs. Fail Beetle
* The 29th - Tropical Centipede vs. Scorpion
* The 30th - Stag Beetle vs. Scorpion

[edit] Competitors

Japanese Bug Fighting features a wide variety of horrifying creatures that could most likely kick your ass in a fight. The bugs that compete are the kind of stuff of which nightmares are made. Below are all of the warriors, along with descriptions and rankings.
[edit] Beetles

(Champion)

Record: 7 wins 2 losses, 1 mirror match .777 winning percentage
Offense: 6
Defense: 9
Speed: 4
Poison: No
Special Move: Body slam
Fighting Style: Utilizes strength to push opponents around, relies on hard shell for defense

The beetles are sort of the tank class of the bugs, relying on their superior defenses to best their enemies. There are actually four different kinds of beetles that compete, two of which are pretty kickass. There's the stag beetle, which has two pincers, and there's the slightly larger atlas beetle, which has three. One would think that MOAR would be better, but as the 5th video in the series proves it isn't the size that matters, it's the technique (A theory which does not carry over to penis size, by the way; enjoy your small cock). Then there's the rhinoceros beetle. The rhinoceros was smaller, and pretty crappy in general. In his only battle he recorded the beetles' first loss to the tarantula, in the 13th round. He was subsequently cut from the team, but this was really just a formality, as the tarantula had already made a bug juice smoothy out of him. Also, a plain old beetle was pretty much fed to an African Cave Spider as a sorry excuse for Round 28.
[edit] Scorpions

(Finalist)

Record: 6 wins, 6 losses, 1 mirror match .500 winning percentage
Offense: 10
Defense: 4
Speed: 5
Poison: Yes
Special Move: Tail swipe
Fighting Style: Stays away from opponent, then uses deadly stinger when confronted

If bug fighting were a vidya game, the scorpions would be the mage class. They don't have great defenses, but they can land a one-hit-kill at any moment. There are also a few different kinds of scorpions that compete, but they all look pretty similar, so nobody actually cares what the different species are. The scorpions usually tend to run away from their enemies, striking only when in danger. However, since they're confined to a 1 ft. plastic box, it's not likely that they're going to get away.
[edit] Jerusalem Cricket

Record: 2 wins, 0 losses, 1 draw 1.000 or .666 winning percentage
Offense: 6
Defense: 7
Speed: 6
Poison: No
Special Move: Jewjitsu kick
Fighting Style: Remains aggressive and uses powerful mouth/cutters, relies on solid defenses to withstand attacks

These giant cricket-like things (Jerusalem Cricket, Potato Bug, Orthopteran... whateverthefuck they're called) are surprisingly effective fighters. They have boltcutter-like mouths, and due to their medium size, are able to effectively attack most opponents.
[edit] Camel Spider

Record: 2 wins, 1 loss .666 winning percentage
Offense: 7
Defense: 5
Speed: 8
Poison: No
Special Move: Jihad
Fighting Style: Utilizes superior speed and size to best opponents

Despite only having had two victories against praying mantises and losing horribly to a cricket, fan favorite and living legend, the camel spider carries quite a presence in the bug arena. They're not quite as large as the Iraqi ones that you're used to seeing on the internets, but they're still pretty fucking scary. While they are not actually venomous, they are nonetheless incredibly fast and strong; one of these fuckers bites you, and you'll know about it. This can put them at a disadvantage to the really nasty stingers.

A camel spider lost in the 1th video to a Jerusalem Cricket, which is kind of weird considering that camel spiders have been known to eat Jerusalem Crickets. It is reported that a team was sent to capture a larger Iraqi camel spider for use in battle. There were no survivors.
[edit] African Cave Spider (Tailless Whip Scorpion)

Record: 2 wins, 1 loss .666 winning percentage
Offense: 7
Defense: 5
Speed: 4
Poison: No
Special Move: Vice grip
Fighting Style: Uses size and the powerful offensive capabilities of their large claws to its advantage

Remember that one episode of Fear Factor where they had to eat something and were in a casino, and Joe Rogan pulled the cover off that roulette table, and you were like, "OH GOD WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE?!" Those were African Cave Spiders. They have proved to be pretty effective fighters, but weren't featured in many fights for some reason.
[edit] Centipedes

Record: 4 wins, 3 losses, 1 draw .625 or .571 winning percentage
Offense: 6
Defense: 4
Speed: 7
Poison: Yes
Special Move: Slither attack
Fighting Style: Slithers around and uses speed to bypass opponent's attacks, utilizes venom for the kill

In addition to being formidable fighters, the centipedes that compete are quite fucking scary. The two different varieties consist of a tropical one with yellow legs and an equally terrifying one with legs like a fucking daddy long legs. They can both be obtained by searching the closest vagina in the vicinity.
[edit] Japanese Hornet

Record: 3 wins, 3 losses .500 winning percentage
Offense: 8
Defense: 5
Speed: 8
Poison: Yes
Special Move: The Stinger®
Fighting Style: Takes advantage of flight capabilities to stay out of danger, highly aggressive

A pretty fierce competitor, the Hornet frequently pulls off upsets on much larger opponents. Not that it would really matter in the real world, since, you know, they can fly and everything.
[edit] Tarantula

Record: 2 wins, 2 losses .500 winning percentage
Offense: 7
Defense: 6
Speed: 4
Poison: Yes
Special Move: Glomp
Fighting Style: Use size to intimidate opponent and gain position, then bites when there's an opening

Exactly what you'd expect; a big-ass spider. However, Tarantulas happen to be particularly fragile critters, and something as simple as a broken arm can mean death. Tarantulas, like all arthropods, have an open circulatory system, and their "blood" doesn't clot, so once they get holed they'll either bleed out or the insect version of Don King will have the fight stopped because big spiders are fucking expensive. Kind of like the flame tank in Command and Conquer.
[edit] Lobster

Record: 0 wins, 3 losses fail percentage
Offense: 5
Defense: 5
Speed: 3
Poison: No
Special Move: Claw pinch, weight lifting
Fighting Style: Uses pincers to ward off enemies, tries not to die, fails

Nobody's really quite sure why the hell these things were chosen for battle. They're not the usual big red lobsters that you're used to eating, though, but miniature fightin' ones. They usually put up a good fight, but in the end, lose every time. The organizers also put some water in the arena when the lobsters fight so they aren't at too much of a disadvantage. Again, nobody knows why the fuck these things are even there.
[edit] Praying Mantis

Record: 0 wins, 5 losses mega fail percentage
Offense: 5
Defense: 4
Speed: 6
Poison: No
Special Move: Kung-fu action arms
Fighting Style: Approaches opponents tentatively, pins down opponents

Despite what one might think, the mantises actually suck ass in Bug Fights. Although they're known for their bug killin' prowess in the real world, the bug arena really isn't suited to them. They're fighting style is more along the lines of the assassin class, so head-to-head confrontations don't go so well. They lose all of their fights, much to the disappointment of viewers.




poor mantis DID U KNOW YOU COULD GET SUED FOR KILLED THAT BEAUTIFUL CREATURE



—YouTube user kkgurlxoxo, after watching a praying mantis get its shit ruined by a camel spider


FACT: It's a stupid schoolyard myth that praying manti are endangered or that it is illegal to kill them. Anyone who believes that shit past the age of 9 is retarded, including you.
[edit] Grasshopper

Record: 0 wins, 1 loss everyone hates you percentage
Offense: 2
Defense: 3
Speed: 9
Poison: No
Special Move: Fail attack
Fighting Style: Hops around until it dies

It appears that the coordinators either got incredibly drunk when choosing combatants or simply ran out of ideas. Either way, the grasshopper only appears in one fight and gets owned by a hornet. Its primary means of defense seemed to be to hop away, but since it was trapped in a plexiglass crate with a creature that could fly, it didn't stand much of a chance. Granted, it was a pretty fucking big grasshopper, and you'd probably scream like a little girl if you saw it.
[edit] Controversy
These people rage when you eat a chicken nugget in front of them, so what do you expect?
These people rage when you eat a chicken nugget in front of them, so what do you expect?

Of course, many see this cherished Japanese pastime not as an entertaining event, but as a cruel, sick game of animal cruelty. But those people are all a bunch of furries and animal fuckers, so nobody really cares what they think. One reason this stuff still takes place is because the creatures in question are all terrifying insects, and not cuddly farm animals or dolphins. You see, the lack of fur dissuades most animal rights activists from throwing hissyfits and picketing outside the Japanese Bug Fighting headquarters. Still, there are some hardcore PETA members that disdain the time honored tradition of bug dueling, and they're not afraid to let their feelings be known to the whole internet.




sick fuckers, i hope these bugs rip you to shreds when your sleeping



—Have fun falling asleep tonight





dont these people have anything else better to do then watch bugs fight those jackasses in the crowd need to learn how to get a life



—The answer to your question would be "No."





That's kind of fucked up. Both insects wanted to get the hell out of that cage. The human race is a scourge upon the earth



—Cry me a river, bitch.


Won't somebody think of the bugs?
Won't somebody think of the bugs?


yeah free mike vick....and lock you up instead.



—Dogs ≠ Crickets (not that there's anything wrong with dogfighting, of course)





*shakes head*... First whales and now insects... If we don't get japanese people and force them to fight in a glass box then there will be no animals left in this world! stoopid nips



—User schlicknick, saying what we're all thinking





I am asian but truly I am sickened by this.

why isnt this reported as animal abuse?
I know some of the bugs these guys are 'using' are illegal to kill because they are endangered.
And for all you assholes that think that all chinese or asians like this kind of bug violence then your a fucked up son of a bitch, to think that.




—A sick Asian


[edit] See Also

* Animal abuse
* Japan
* Spider
* Camel spider
* Centipedes
* Pokemon
* Mortal Kombat
* Michael Vick
* Awesome
* Win

[edit] External Links

* japanesebugfights.com
* Rules of Bug Fighting
* gladiatorbugs.com
* Bug Fight Compilation
* Tarantula pusses out before a Centipede
* Lobster gets owned by a Scorpion
* Home video of two black widows, a roach, and a praying mantis fighting
* Two rhinoceros beetles dueling
* Snake vs. Banana Slug
* 30 Hornets vs. 30,000 Bees
* Parody - /facepalm



Image:pooranimals_icon.gif Japanese Bug Fights is part of a series on bad things happening to animals.

[Expand] [Collapse] [Expand] 0
Basic Concepts

Furry • Bestiality • Taxidermy • Animal Abuse
Opposing Concepts

Animal rights • Vegetarian
BestiLOLity in Action

Poeticirony • Darkhorseman • Mr. Hands • WolfJLupus • Chibiabos • Charles-wolfman • ShadoWolffess • Snover • Skylos • Marry Your Pet • Neuticles.com • Dalhusky • Cory Williamson • Abbie Hawkins
Why We Don't Have Nice Things

Michael Vick, a.k.a. Ron Mexico • Chevy the Therapy Dog • City glitter • LinktheWolf • Staredog • Tinkebell • Wang Jeu • Zeriara • Zippocat • NEDM • David Motari • Camrose Cat Killers • "Mudkips" the cat • Heaven • Japanese Bug Fights
Revenge

Animal Liberation Front • Carlos Sousa Jr • Death Cat • Steve Irwin • PETA
Retrieved from "http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Japanese_Bug_Fights"

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Anónimo dijo...

Joseph Evers welcomes new LinkedIn and Facebook connections!
Japanese Bug Fights
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to: navigation, search


Only in Japan...
Only in Japan...
THIS WILL BE OUR FINAL BATTLE!
THIS WILL BE OUR FINAL BATTLE!

Japanese Bug Fights are, in essence, the pinnacle of Japanese culture and one of the most awesome things you can find on the internets (right behind pornography and Encyclopedia Dramatica). The phrase "Japanese Bug Fights" refers to a 30-part video series featuring various kinds of insects, arachnids, and other terrifying creatures battling to the death in a little plastic arena. Naturally, something this fucked up could only come from Japan.
Contents
[hide]

* 1 The Videos
* 2 Round The 1th: FIGHT!
* 3 Competitors
o 3.1 Beetles
o 3.2 Scorpions
o 3.3 Jerusalem Cricket
o 3.4 Camel Spider
o 3.5 African Cave Spider (Tailless Whip Scorpion)
o 3.6 Centipedes
o 3.7 Japanese Hornet
o 3.8 Tarantula
o 3.9 Lobster
o 3.10 Praying Mantis
o 3.11 Grasshopper
* 4 Controversy
* 5 See Also
* 6 External Links

[edit] The Videos
Check out those hi-tech grafix.
Check out those hi-tech grafix.
They have one lifting weights, WTF?
They have one lifting weights, WTF?
Anon will make a Godhand Edit out of anything.
Anon will make a Godhand Edit out of anything.

The videos have gained quite a bit of notoriety and infamy on the webs, and are very popular among both 13 year old boys and sick fucks who like watching things kill each other (the internet's two key demographics). The videos are all hosted on japanesebugfights.com, but most of the videos, as well as others, can be found on gladiatorbugs.com or YouTube.

Japanesebugfights.com seems to be the original source of the videos. The videos have all sorts of elaborate graphics, sound effects, and epic music played in the background, making the videos all the lulzier. Additionally, one thing that is simultaneously great yet irritating about the videos is that trademark Japanese commentary. While Japanese commentary can make pretty much any event hilarious, it's impossible to tell what's being said, since nobody has ever bothered to translate the moonspeak. This becomes a problem at the end of some of the videos, since there isn't always a clear winner and both bugs are sometimes left alive. It is assumed that the Japs then go to the scorecard to declare the winner. And perhaps the lulziest part of all is that the site displays ads for pest control during the whole thing. In addition to the 30-part video series, the site also has a section for user-submitted content. However, there are only 4 user-submitted videos, one of which was baleeted from YouTube. Finally, there's a rules section, showing that this forced battling of mindless creatures is, in fact, very organized and professional.

RULES OF JAPANESE BUG FIGHTS

1th Rule: You do not talk about Japanese Bug Fights.
2th Rule: You DO NOT talk about Japanese Bug Fights.
3th Rule: If a bug says "stop," goes limp, or taps out, the fight is over.
4th Rule: Only two bugs to a fight.
5th Rule: One fight at a time.
6th Rule: No shirts, no shoes.
7th Rule: Fights will go on as long as they have to.
8th Rule: If this is your first night at Japanese Bug Fights, you HAVE to fight.

Oh sorry, those are the rules to Fight Club. Though it shares a couple rules with Fight Club, Japanese Bug Fights is actually closer to Thunderdome's "two men enter, one man leaves":

1. Two Bugs to a fight
2. Bug fights go on as long as they have to
3. No outside weapons in Bug Fights

Of course, use of pokeballs, or other trainer intervention is not possible, as the participants are isolated in the plastic cube.

On the Americanized site Gladiatorbugs.com, most of these videos are hosted along with a bunch of others from around the web. Coupled with the videos are descriptions and information on some of the noble insect warriors. This site also allows comments, so you get some interesting discussion, as well.

Finally, as with mostly anything else in the world, you can find tons of these videos on YouTube. And, of course, the best thing about watching the videos on YouTube is reading the comments. Along with the standard "ZOMG AWESOME 5 STARS!!1" responses and the inevitable whining about animal rights, there's also a fair amount of professional analysis of the fights and people arguing over their favorite competitors. For example:




dude, do you even know what ur saying??

OFCOURSE THE SCORP WILL WIN IF IT'S TWICE AS BIG... >.> because the stag beetle dun have offence anymore of it's fangs..




—YouTube commenter AntieTurk defending his competitor of choice





HAHAHAHA!!!!! No law in insects fighting. fuck you PETA!



—Commenter viperpack shares his two cents


[edit] Round The 1th: FIGHT!

The first video in the series - Camel Spider vs. Giant Cricket (Orthopteran)




Let's SEE what happens if the Japanese Bug Fighting Federation has the Jerusalem Cricket (potato bug?) fights either a Goliath spider or a Assassin Bug or even a Black Widow Spider?? Or a army of Fire Ants Or Bulldog Ants?



—The possibilities are endless



The final video in the series - Stag Beetle vs. Scorpion




very technical fight. the bug sweaped scopian from a side control to a kimura. scopian was able to free his arm from what appeared to be an arm bar but was picked up and slammed.



—suncoast233 gives a very detailed fight analysis


Tarantula, kicking ass
Tarantula, kicking ass
Hornet, I choose you!
Hornet, I choose you!
Beetle versus scorpion in the finals
Beetle versus scorpion in the finals

* The 1th - Giant Cricket (Orthopteran) vs. Camel Spider (and yes, they actually spell it with a "th")
* The 2th - Scorpion vs. Hornet (not available on JBF.com)
* The 3th - Stag Beetle vs. Scorpion
* The 4th - Tropical Centipede vs. Hornet
* The 5th - Stag Beetle vs. Atlas Beetle
* The 6th - Camel Spider vs. Praying Mantis
* The 7th - Scorpion vs. Tarantula
* The 8th - Stag Beetle vs. Lobster
* The 9th - Cave Centipede vs. Cricket (Orthopteran)
* The 10th - Hornet vs. Praying Mantis
* The 11th - Scorpion vs. Lobster
* The 12th - Tropical Centipede vs. Hornet - (Rematch)
* The 13th - Tarantula vs. Rhinoceros Beetle
* The 14th - African Cave Spider vs. Praying Mantis
* The 15th - Hornet vs. Scorpion - (Rematch)
* The 16th - Scorpion vs. Tropical Centipede
* The 17th - Scorpion vs. Tarantula
* The 18th - Cricket (Orthopteran) vs. Praying Mantis
* The 19th - Camel Spider vs. Praying Mantis
* The 20th - Atlas Beetle vs. Lobster
* The 21th - Scorpion vs. Tropical Centipede - Rematch
* The 22th - Scorpion vs. Scorpion
* The 23th - Stag Beetle vs. Tropical Centipede
* The 24th - Tropical Centipede vs. Scorpion - Again
* The 25th - Atlas Beetle vs. Scorpion
* The 26th - Tarantula vs. African Cave Spider
* The 27th - Hornet vs. Grasshopper
* The 28th - African Cave Spider vs. Fail Beetle
* The 29th - Tropical Centipede vs. Scorpion
* The 30th - Stag Beetle vs. Scorpion

[edit] Competitors

Japanese Bug Fighting features a wide variety of horrifying creatures that could most likely kick your ass in a fight. The bugs that compete are the kind of stuff of which nightmares are made. Below are all of the warriors, along with descriptions and rankings.
[edit] Beetles

(Champion)

Record: 7 wins 2 losses, 1 mirror match .777 winning percentage
Offense: 6
Defense: 9
Speed: 4
Poison: No
Special Move: Body slam
Fighting Style: Utilizes strength to push opponents around, relies on hard shell for defense

The beetles are sort of the tank class of the bugs, relying on their superior defenses to best their enemies. There are actually four different kinds of beetles that compete, two of which are pretty kickass. There's the stag beetle, which has two pincers, and there's the slightly larger atlas beetle, which has three. One would think that MOAR would be better, but as the 5th video in the series proves it isn't the size that matters, it's the technique (A theory which does not carry over to penis size, by the way; enjoy your small cock). Then there's the rhinoceros beetle. The rhinoceros was smaller, and pretty crappy in general. In his only battle he recorded the beetles' first loss to the tarantula, in the 13th round. He was subsequently cut from the team, but this was really just a formality, as the tarantula had already made a bug juice smoothy out of him. Also, a plain old beetle was pretty much fed to an African Cave Spider as a sorry excuse for Round 28.
[edit] Scorpions

(Finalist)

Record: 6 wins, 6 losses, 1 mirror match .500 winning percentage
Offense: 10
Defense: 4
Speed: 5
Poison: Yes
Special Move: Tail swipe
Fighting Style: Stays away from opponent, then uses deadly stinger when confronted

If bug fighting were a vidya game, the scorpions would be the mage class. They don't have great defenses, but they can land a one-hit-kill at any moment. There are also a few different kinds of scorpions that compete, but they all look pretty similar, so nobody actually cares what the different species are. The scorpions usually tend to run away from their enemies, striking only when in danger. However, since they're confined to a 1 ft. plastic box, it's not likely that they're going to get away.
[edit] Jerusalem Cricket

Record: 2 wins, 0 losses, 1 draw 1.000 or .666 winning percentage
Offense: 6
Defense: 7
Speed: 6
Poison: No
Special Move: Jewjitsu kick
Fighting Style: Remains aggressive and uses powerful mouth/cutters, relies on solid defenses to withstand attacks

These giant cricket-like things (Jerusalem Cricket, Potato Bug, Orthopteran... whateverthefuck they're called) are surprisingly effective fighters. They have boltcutter-like mouths, and due to their medium size, are able to effectively attack most opponents.
[edit] Camel Spider

Record: 2 wins, 1 loss .666 winning percentage
Offense: 7
Defense: 5
Speed: 8
Poison: No
Special Move: Jihad
Fighting Style: Utilizes superior speed and size to best opponents

Despite only having had two victories against praying mantises and losing horribly to a cricket, fan favorite and living legend, the camel spider carries quite a presence in the bug arena. They're not quite as large as the Iraqi ones that you're used to seeing on the internets, but they're still pretty fucking scary. While they are not actually venomous, they are nonetheless incredibly fast and strong; one of these fuckers bites you, and you'll know about it. This can put them at a disadvantage to the really nasty stingers.

A camel spider lost in the 1th video to a Jerusalem Cricket, which is kind of weird considering that camel spiders have been known to eat Jerusalem Crickets. It is reported that a team was sent to capture a larger Iraqi camel spider for use in battle. There were no survivors.
[edit] African Cave Spider (Tailless Whip Scorpion)

Record: 2 wins, 1 loss .666 winning percentage
Offense: 7
Defense: 5
Speed: 4
Poison: No
Special Move: Vice grip
Fighting Style: Uses size and the powerful offensive capabilities of their large claws to its advantage

Remember that one episode of Fear Factor where they had to eat something and were in a casino, and Joe Rogan pulled the cover off that roulette table, and you were like, "OH GOD WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE?!" Those were African Cave Spiders. They have proved to be pretty effective fighters, but weren't featured in many fights for some reason.
[edit] Centipedes

Record: 4 wins, 3 losses, 1 draw .625 or .571 winning percentage
Offense: 6
Defense: 4
Speed: 7
Poison: Yes
Special Move: Slither attack
Fighting Style: Slithers around and uses speed to bypass opponent's attacks, utilizes venom for the kill

In addition to being formidable fighters, the centipedes that compete are quite fucking scary. The two different varieties consist of a tropical one with yellow legs and an equally terrifying one with legs like a fucking daddy long legs. They can both be obtained by searching the closest vagina in the vicinity.
[edit] Japanese Hornet

Record: 3 wins, 3 losses .500 winning percentage
Offense: 8
Defense: 5
Speed: 8
Poison: Yes
Special Move: The Stinger®
Fighting Style: Takes advantage of flight capabilities to stay out of danger, highly aggressive

A pretty fierce competitor, the Hornet frequently pulls off upsets on much larger opponents. Not that it would really matter in the real world, since, you know, they can fly and everything.
[edit] Tarantula

Record: 2 wins, 2 losses .500 winning percentage
Offense: 7
Defense: 6
Speed: 4
Poison: Yes
Special Move: Glomp
Fighting Style: Use size to intimidate opponent and gain position, then bites when there's an opening

Exactly what you'd expect; a big-ass spider. However, Tarantulas happen to be particularly fragile critters, and something as simple as a broken arm can mean death. Tarantulas, like all arthropods, have an open circulatory system, and their "blood" doesn't clot, so once they get holed they'll either bleed out or the insect version of Don King will have the fight stopped because big spiders are fucking expensive. Kind of like the flame tank in Command and Conquer.
[edit] Lobster

Record: 0 wins, 3 losses fail percentage
Offense: 5
Defense: 5
Speed: 3
Poison: No
Special Move: Claw pinch, weight lifting
Fighting Style: Uses pincers to ward off enemies, tries not to die, fails

Nobody's really quite sure why the hell these things were chosen for battle. They're not the usual big red lobsters that you're used to eating, though, but miniature fightin' ones. They usually put up a good fight, but in the end, lose every time. The organizers also put some water in the arena when the lobsters fight so they aren't at too much of a disadvantage. Again, nobody knows why the fuck these things are even there.
[edit] Praying Mantis

Record: 0 wins, 5 losses mega fail percentage
Offense: 5
Defense: 4
Speed: 6
Poison: No
Special Move: Kung-fu action arms
Fighting Style: Approaches opponents tentatively, pins down opponents

Despite what one might think, the mantises actually suck ass in Bug Fights. Although they're known for their bug killin' prowess in the real world, the bug arena really isn't suited to them. They're fighting style is more along the lines of the assassin class, so head-to-head confrontations don't go so well. They lose all of their fights, much to the disappointment of viewers.




poor mantis DID U KNOW YOU COULD GET SUED FOR KILLED THAT BEAUTIFUL CREATURE



—YouTube user kkgurlxoxo, after watching a praying mantis get its shit ruined by a camel spider


FACT: It's a stupid schoolyard myth that praying manti are endangered or that it is illegal to kill them. Anyone who believes that shit past the age of 9 is retarded, including you.
[edit] Grasshopper

Record: 0 wins, 1 loss everyone hates you percentage
Offense: 2
Defense: 3
Speed: 9
Poison: No
Special Move: Fail attack
Fighting Style: Hops around until it dies

It appears that the coordinators either got incredibly drunk when choosing combatants or simply ran out of ideas. Either way, the grasshopper only appears in one fight and gets owned by a hornet. Its primary means of defense seemed to be to hop away, but since it was trapped in a plexiglass crate with a creature that could fly, it didn't stand much of a chance. Granted, it was a pretty fucking big grasshopper, and you'd probably scream like a little girl if you saw it.
[edit] Controversy
These people rage when you eat a chicken nugget in front of them, so what do you expect?
These people rage when you eat a chicken nugget in front of them, so what do you expect?

Of course, many see this cherished Japanese pastime not as an entertaining event, but as a cruel, sick game of animal cruelty. But those people are all a bunch of furries and animal fuckers, so nobody really cares what they think. One reason this stuff still takes place is because the creatures in question are all terrifying insects, and not cuddly farm animals or dolphins. You see, the lack of fur dissuades most animal rights activists from throwing hissyfits and picketing outside the Japanese Bug Fighting headquarters. Still, there are some hardcore PETA members that disdain the time honored tradition of bug dueling, and they're not afraid to let their feelings be known to the whole internet.




sick fuckers, i hope these bugs rip you to shreds when your sleeping



—Have fun falling asleep tonight





dont these people have anything else better to do then watch bugs fight those jackasses in the crowd need to learn how to get a life



—The answer to your question would be "No."





That's kind of fucked up. Both insects wanted to get the hell out of that cage. The human race is a scourge upon the earth



—Cry me a river, bitch.


Won't somebody think of the bugs?
Won't somebody think of the bugs?


yeah free mike vick....and lock you up instead.



—Dogs ≠ Crickets (not that there's anything wrong with dogfighting, of course)





*shakes head*... First whales and now insects... If we don't get japanese people and force them to fight in a glass box then there will be no animals left in this world! stoopid nips



—User schlicknick, saying what we're all thinking





I am asian but truly I am sickened by this.

why isnt this reported as animal abuse?
I know some of the bugs these guys are 'using' are illegal to kill because they are endangered.
And for all you assholes that think that all chinese or asians like this kind of bug violence then your a fucked up son of a bitch, to think that.




—A sick Asian


[edit] See Also

* Animal abuse
* Japan
* Spider
* Camel spider
* Centipedes
* Pokemon
* Mortal Kombat
* Michael Vick
* Awesome
* Win

[edit] External Links

* japanesebugfights.com
* Rules of Bug Fighting
* gladiatorbugs.com
* Bug Fight Compilation
* Tarantula pusses out before a Centipede
* Lobster gets owned by a Scorpion
* Home video of two black widows, a roach, and a praying mantis fighting
* Two rhinoceros beetles dueling
* Snake vs. Banana Slug
* 30 Hornets vs. 30,000 Bees
* Parody - /facepalm



Image:pooranimals_icon.gif Japanese Bug Fights is part of a series on bad things happening to animals.

[Expand] [Collapse] [Expand] 0
Basic Concepts

Furry • Bestiality • Taxidermy • Animal Abuse
Opposing Concepts

Animal rights • Vegetarian
BestiLOLity in Action

Poeticirony • Darkhorseman • Mr. Hands • WolfJLupus • Chibiabos • Charles-wolfman • ShadoWolffess • Snover • Skylos • Marry Your Pet • Neuticles.com • Dalhusky • Cory Williamson • Abbie Hawkins
Why We Don't Have Nice Things

Michael Vick, a.k.a. Ron Mexico • Chevy the Therapy Dog • City glitter • LinktheWolf • Staredog • Tinkebell • Wang Jeu • Zeriara • Zippocat • NEDM • David Motari • Camrose Cat Killers • "Mudkips" the cat • Heaven • Japanese Bug Fights
Revenge

Animal Liberation Front • Carlos Sousa Jr • Death Cat • Steve Irwin • PETA
Retrieved from "http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Japanese_Bug_Fights"

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Japanese Bug Fights
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Only in Japan...
Only in Japan...
THIS WILL BE OUR FINAL BATTLE!
THIS WILL BE OUR FINAL BATTLE!

Japanese Bug Fights are, in essence, the pinnacle of Japanese culture and one of the most awesome things you can find on the internets (right behind pornography and Encyclopedia Dramatica). The phrase "Japanese Bug Fights" refers to a 30-part video series featuring various kinds of insects, arachnids, and other terrifying creatures battling to the death in a little plastic arena. Naturally, something this fucked up could only come from Japan.
Contents
[hide]

* 1 The Videos
* 2 Round The 1th: FIGHT!
* 3 Competitors
o 3.1 Beetles
o 3.2 Scorpions
o 3.3 Jerusalem Cricket
o 3.4 Camel Spider
o 3.5 African Cave Spider (Tailless Whip Scorpion)
o 3.6 Centipedes
o 3.7 Japanese Hornet
o 3.8 Tarantula
o 3.9 Lobster
o 3.10 Praying Mantis
o 3.11 Grasshopper
* 4 Controversy
* 5 See Also
* 6 External Links

[edit] The Videos
Check out those hi-tech grafix.
Check out those hi-tech grafix.
They have one lifting weights, WTF?
They have one lifting weights, WTF?
Anon will make a Godhand Edit out of anything.
Anon will make a Godhand Edit out of anything.

The videos have gained quite a bit of notoriety and infamy on the webs, and are very popular among both 13 year old boys and sick fucks who like watching things kill each other (the internet's two key demographics). The videos are all hosted on japanesebugfights.com, but most of the videos, as well as others, can be found on gladiatorbugs.com or YouTube.

Japanesebugfights.com seems to be the original source of the videos. The videos have all sorts of elaborate graphics, sound effects, and epic music played in the background, making the videos all the lulzier. Additionally, one thing that is simultaneously great yet irritating about the videos is that trademark Japanese commentary. While Japanese commentary can make pretty much any event hilarious, it's impossible to tell what's being said, since nobody has ever bothered to translate the moonspeak. This becomes a problem at the end of some of the videos, since there isn't always a clear winner and both bugs are sometimes left alive. It is assumed that the Japs then go to the scorecard to declare the winner. And perhaps the lulziest part of all is that the site displays ads for pest control during the whole thing. In addition to the 30-part video series, the site also has a section for user-submitted content. However, there are only 4 user-submitted videos, one of which was baleeted from YouTube. Finally, there's a rules section, showing that this forced battling of mindless creatures is, in fact, very organized and professional.

RULES OF JAPANESE BUG FIGHTS

1th Rule: You do not talk about Japanese Bug Fights.
2th Rule: You DO NOT talk about Japanese Bug Fights.
3th Rule: If a bug says "stop," goes limp, or taps out, the fight is over.
4th Rule: Only two bugs to a fight.
5th Rule: One fight at a time.
6th Rule: No shirts, no shoes.
7th Rule: Fights will go on as long as they have to.
8th Rule: If this is your first night at Japanese Bug Fights, you HAVE to fight.

Oh sorry, those are the rules to Fight Club. Though it shares a couple rules with Fight Club, Japanese Bug Fights is actually closer to Thunderdome's "two men enter, one man leaves":

1. Two Bugs to a fight
2. Bug fights go on as long as they have to
3. No outside weapons in Bug Fights

Of course, use of pokeballs, or other trainer intervention is not possible, as the participants are isolated in the plastic cube.

On the Americanized site Gladiatorbugs.com, most of these videos are hosted along with a bunch of others from around the web. Coupled with the videos are descriptions and information on some of the noble insect warriors. This site also allows comments, so you get some interesting discussion, as well.

Finally, as with mostly anything else in the world, you can find tons of these videos on YouTube. And, of course, the best thing about watching the videos on YouTube is reading the comments. Along with the standard "ZOMG AWESOME 5 STARS!!1" responses and the inevitable whining about animal rights, there's also a fair amount of professional analysis of the fights and people arguing over their favorite competitors. For example:




dude, do you even know what ur saying??

OFCOURSE THE SCORP WILL WIN IF IT'S TWICE AS BIG... >.> because the stag beetle dun have offence anymore of it's fangs..




—YouTube commenter AntieTurk defending his competitor of choice





HAHAHAHA!!!!! No law in insects fighting. fuck you PETA!



—Commenter viperpack shares his two cents


[edit] Round The 1th: FIGHT!

The first video in the series - Camel Spider vs. Giant Cricket (Orthopteran)




Let's SEE what happens if the Japanese Bug Fighting Federation has the Jerusalem Cricket (potato bug?) fights either a Goliath spider or a Assassin Bug or even a Black Widow Spider?? Or a army of Fire Ants Or Bulldog Ants?



—The possibilities are endless



The final video in the series - Stag Beetle vs. Scorpion




very technical fight. the bug sweaped scopian from a side control to a kimura. scopian was able to free his arm from what appeared to be an arm bar but was picked up and slammed.



—suncoast233 gives a very detailed fight analysis


Tarantula, kicking ass
Tarantula, kicking ass
Hornet, I choose you!
Hornet, I choose you!
Beetle versus scorpion in the finals
Beetle versus scorpion in the finals

* The 1th - Giant Cricket (Orthopteran) vs. Camel Spider (and yes, they actually spell it with a "th")
* The 2th - Scorpion vs. Hornet (not available on JBF.com)
* The 3th - Stag Beetle vs. Scorpion
* The 4th - Tropical Centipede vs. Hornet
* The 5th - Stag Beetle vs. Atlas Beetle
* The 6th - Camel Spider vs. Praying Mantis
* The 7th - Scorpion vs. Tarantula
* The 8th - Stag Beetle vs. Lobster
* The 9th - Cave Centipede vs. Cricket (Orthopteran)
* The 10th - Hornet vs. Praying Mantis
* The 11th - Scorpion vs. Lobster
* The 12th - Tropical Centipede vs. Hornet - (Rematch)
* The 13th - Tarantula vs. Rhinoceros Beetle
* The 14th - African Cave Spider vs. Praying Mantis
* The 15th - Hornet vs. Scorpion - (Rematch)
* The 16th - Scorpion vs. Tropical Centipede
* The 17th - Scorpion vs. Tarantula
* The 18th - Cricket (Orthopteran) vs. Praying Mantis
* The 19th - Camel Spider vs. Praying Mantis
* The 20th - Atlas Beetle vs. Lobster
* The 21th - Scorpion vs. Tropical Centipede - Rematch
* The 22th - Scorpion vs. Scorpion
* The 23th - Stag Beetle vs. Tropical Centipede
* The 24th - Tropical Centipede vs. Scorpion - Again
* The 25th - Atlas Beetle vs. Scorpion
* The 26th - Tarantula vs. African Cave Spider
* The 27th - Hornet vs. Grasshopper
* The 28th - African Cave Spider vs. Fail Beetle
* The 29th - Tropical Centipede vs. Scorpion
* The 30th - Stag Beetle vs. Scorpion

[edit] Competitors

Japanese Bug Fighting features a wide variety of horrifying creatures that could most likely kick your ass in a fight. The bugs that compete are the kind of stuff of which nightmares are made. Below are all of the warriors, along with descriptions and rankings.
[edit] Beetles

(Champion)

Record: 7 wins 2 losses, 1 mirror match .777 winning percentage
Offense: 6
Defense: 9
Speed: 4
Poison: No
Special Move: Body slam
Fighting Style: Utilizes strength to push opponents around, relies on hard shell for defense

The beetles are sort of the tank class of the bugs, relying on their superior defenses to best their enemies. There are actually four different kinds of beetles that compete, two of which are pretty kickass. There's the stag beetle, which has two pincers, and there's the slightly larger atlas beetle, which has three. One would think that MOAR would be better, but as the 5th video in the series proves it isn't the size that matters, it's the technique (A theory which does not carry over to penis size, by the way; enjoy your small cock). Then there's the rhinoceros beetle. The rhinoceros was smaller, and pretty crappy in general. In his only battle he recorded the beetles' first loss to the tarantula, in the 13th round. He was subsequently cut from the team, but this was really just a formality, as the tarantula had already made a bug juice smoothy out of him. Also, a plain old beetle was pretty much fed to an African Cave Spider as a sorry excuse for Round 28.
[edit] Scorpions

(Finalist)

Record: 6 wins, 6 losses, 1 mirror match .500 winning percentage
Offense: 10
Defense: 4
Speed: 5
Poison: Yes
Special Move: Tail swipe
Fighting Style: Stays away from opponent, then uses deadly stinger when confronted

If bug fighting were a vidya game, the scorpions would be the mage class. They don't have great defenses, but they can land a one-hit-kill at any moment. There are also a few different kinds of scorpions that compete, but they all look pretty similar, so nobody actually cares what the different species are. The scorpions usually tend to run away from their enemies, striking only when in danger. However, since they're confined to a 1 ft. plastic box, it's not likely that they're going to get away.
[edit] Jerusalem Cricket

Record: 2 wins, 0 losses, 1 draw 1.000 or .666 winning percentage
Offense: 6
Defense: 7
Speed: 6
Poison: No
Special Move: Jewjitsu kick
Fighting Style: Remains aggressive and uses powerful mouth/cutters, relies on solid defenses to withstand attacks

These giant cricket-like things (Jerusalem Cricket, Potato Bug, Orthopteran... whateverthefuck they're called) are surprisingly effective fighters. They have boltcutter-like mouths, and due to their medium size, are able to effectively attack most opponents.
[edit] Camel Spider

Record: 2 wins, 1 loss .666 winning percentage
Offense: 7
Defense: 5
Speed: 8
Poison: No
Special Move: Jihad
Fighting Style: Utilizes superior speed and size to best opponents

Despite only having had two victories against praying mantises and losing horribly to a cricket, fan favorite and living legend, the camel spider carries quite a presence in the bug arena. They're not quite as large as the Iraqi ones that you're used to seeing on the internets, but they're still pretty fucking scary. While they are not actually venomous, they are nonetheless incredibly fast and strong; one of these fuckers bites you, and you'll know about it. This can put them at a disadvantage to the really nasty stingers.

A camel spider lost in the 1th video to a Jerusalem Cricket, which is kind of weird considering that camel spiders have been known to eat Jerusalem Crickets. It is reported that a team was sent to capture a larger Iraqi camel spider for use in battle. There were no survivors.
[edit] African Cave Spider (Tailless Whip Scorpion)

Record: 2 wins, 1 loss .666 winning percentage
Offense: 7
Defense: 5
Speed: 4
Poison: No
Special Move: Vice grip
Fighting Style: Uses size and the powerful offensive capabilities of their large claws to its advantage

Remember that one episode of Fear Factor where they had to eat something and were in a casino, and Joe Rogan pulled the cover off that roulette table, and you were like, "OH GOD WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE?!" Those were African Cave Spiders. They have proved to be pretty effective fighters, but weren't featured in many fights for some reason.
[edit] Centipedes

Record: 4 wins, 3 losses, 1 draw .625 or .571 winning percentage
Offense: 6
Defense: 4
Speed: 7
Poison: Yes
Special Move: Slither attack
Fighting Style: Slithers around and uses speed to bypass opponent's attacks, utilizes venom for the kill

In addition to being formidable fighters, the centipedes that compete are quite fucking scary. The two different varieties consist of a tropical one with yellow legs and an equally terrifying one with legs like a fucking daddy long legs. They can both be obtained by searching the closest vagina in the vicinity.
[edit] Japanese Hornet

Record: 3 wins, 3 losses .500 winning percentage
Offense: 8
Defense: 5
Speed: 8
Poison: Yes
Special Move: The Stinger®
Fighting Style: Takes advantage of flight capabilities to stay out of danger, highly aggressive

A pretty fierce competitor, the Hornet frequently pulls off upsets on much larger opponents. Not that it would really matter in the real world, since, you know, they can fly and everything.
[edit] Tarantula

Record: 2 wins, 2 losses .500 winning percentage
Offense: 7
Defense: 6
Speed: 4
Poison: Yes
Special Move: Glomp
Fighting Style: Use size to intimidate opponent and gain position, then bites when there's an opening

Exactly what you'd expect; a big-ass spider. However, Tarantulas happen to be particularly fragile critters, and something as simple as a broken arm can mean death. Tarantulas, like all arthropods, have an open circulatory system, and their "blood" doesn't clot, so once they get holed they'll either bleed out or the insect version of Don King will have the fight stopped because big spiders are fucking expensive. Kind of like the flame tank in Command and Conquer.
[edit] Lobster

Record: 0 wins, 3 losses fail percentage
Offense: 5
Defense: 5
Speed: 3
Poison: No
Special Move: Claw pinch, weight lifting
Fighting Style: Uses pincers to ward off enemies, tries not to die, fails

Nobody's really quite sure why the hell these things were chosen for battle. They're not the usual big red lobsters that you're used to eating, though, but miniature fightin' ones. They usually put up a good fight, but in the end, lose every time. The organizers also put some water in the arena when the lobsters fight so they aren't at too much of a disadvantage. Again, nobody knows why the fuck these things are even there.
[edit] Praying Mantis

Record: 0 wins, 5 losses mega fail percentage
Offense: 5
Defense: 4
Speed: 6
Poison: No
Special Move: Kung-fu action arms
Fighting Style: Approaches opponents tentatively, pins down opponents

Despite what one might think, the mantises actually suck ass in Bug Fights. Although they're known for their bug killin' prowess in the real world, the bug arena really isn't suited to them. They're fighting style is more along the lines of the assassin class, so head-to-head confrontations don't go so well. They lose all of their fights, much to the disappointment of viewers.




poor mantis DID U KNOW YOU COULD GET SUED FOR KILLED THAT BEAUTIFUL CREATURE



—YouTube user kkgurlxoxo, after watching a praying mantis get its shit ruined by a camel spider


FACT: It's a stupid schoolyard myth that praying manti are endangered or that it is illegal to kill them. Anyone who believes that shit past the age of 9 is retarded, including you.
[edit] Grasshopper

Record: 0 wins, 1 loss everyone hates you percentage
Offense: 2
Defense: 3
Speed: 9
Poison: No
Special Move: Fail attack
Fighting Style: Hops around until it dies

It appears that the coordinators either got incredibly drunk when choosing combatants or simply ran out of ideas. Either way, the grasshopper only appears in one fight and gets owned by a hornet. Its primary means of defense seemed to be to hop away, but since it was trapped in a plexiglass crate with a creature that could fly, it didn't stand much of a chance. Granted, it was a pretty fucking big grasshopper, and you'd probably scream like a little girl if you saw it.
[edit] Controversy
These people rage when you eat a chicken nugget in front of them, so what do you expect?
These people rage when you eat a chicken nugget in front of them, so what do you expect?

Of course, many see this cherished Japanese pastime not as an entertaining event, but as a cruel, sick game of animal cruelty. But those people are all a bunch of furries and animal fuckers, so nobody really cares what they think. One reason this stuff still takes place is because the creatures in question are all terrifying insects, and not cuddly farm animals or dolphins. You see, the lack of fur dissuades most animal rights activists from throwing hissyfits and picketing outside the Japanese Bug Fighting headquarters. Still, there are some hardcore PETA members that disdain the time honored tradition of bug dueling, and they're not afraid to let their feelings be known to the whole internet.




sick fuckers, i hope these bugs rip you to shreds when your sleeping



—Have fun falling asleep tonight





dont these people have anything else better to do then watch bugs fight those jackasses in the crowd need to learn how to get a life



—The answer to your question would be "No."





That's kind of fucked up. Both insects wanted to get the hell out of that cage. The human race is a scourge upon the earth



—Cry me a river, bitch.


Won't somebody think of the bugs?
Won't somebody think of the bugs?


yeah free mike vick....and lock you up instead.



—Dogs ≠ Crickets (not that there's anything wrong with dogfighting, of course)





*shakes head*... First whales and now insects... If we don't get japanese people and force them to fight in a glass box then there will be no animals left in this world! stoopid nips



—User schlicknick, saying what we're all thinking





I am asian but truly I am sickened by this.

why isnt this reported as animal abuse?
I know some of the bugs these guys are 'using' are illegal to kill because they are endangered.
And for all you assholes that think that all chinese or asians like this kind of bug violence then your a fucked up son of a bitch, to think that.




—A sick Asian


[edit] See Also

* Animal abuse
* Japan
* Spider
* Camel spider
* Centipedes
* Pokemon
* Mortal Kombat
* Michael Vick
* Awesome
* Win

[edit] External Links

* japanesebugfights.com
* Rules of Bug Fighting
* gladiatorbugs.com
* Bug Fight Compilation
* Tarantula pusses out before a Centipede
* Lobster gets owned by a Scorpion
* Home video of two black widows, a roach, and a praying mantis fighting
* Two rhinoceros beetles dueling
* Snake vs. Banana Slug
* 30 Hornets vs. 30,000 Bees
* Parody - /facepalm



Image:pooranimals_icon.gif Japanese Bug Fights is part of a series on bad things happening to animals.

[Expand] [Collapse] [Expand] 0
Basic Concepts

Furry • Bestiality • Taxidermy • Animal Abuse
Opposing Concepts

Animal rights • Vegetarian
BestiLOLity in Action

Poeticirony • Darkhorseman • Mr. Hands • WolfJLupus • Chibiabos • Charles-wolfman • ShadoWolffess • Snover • Skylos • Marry Your Pet • Neuticles.com • Dalhusky • Cory Williamson • Abbie Hawkins
Why We Don't Have Nice Things

Michael Vick, a.k.a. Ron Mexico • Chevy the Therapy Dog • City glitter • LinktheWolf • Staredog • Tinkebell • Wang Jeu • Zeriara • Zippocat • NEDM • David Motari • Camrose Cat Killers • "Mudkips" the cat • Heaven • Japanese Bug Fights
Revenge

Animal Liberation Front • Carlos Sousa Jr • Death Cat • Steve Irwin • PETA
Retrieved from "http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Japanese_Bug_Fights"

Categories: Drama-generating techniques | Internets Phenomena
Views

* Article
* Discussion
* Edit
* History

Personal tools

* Log in / create account

Navigation

* Main Page
* Community portal
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Japanese Bug Fights
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to: navigation, search


Only in Japan...
Only in Japan...
THIS WILL BE OUR FINAL BATTLE!
THIS WILL BE OUR FINAL BATTLE!

Japanese Bug Fights are, in essence, the pinnacle of Japanese culture and one of the most awesome things you can find on the internets (right behind pornography and Encyclopedia Dramatica). The phrase "Japanese Bug Fights" refers to a 30-part video series featuring various kinds of insects, arachnids, and other terrifying creatures battling to the death in a little plastic arena. Naturally, something this fucked up could only come from Japan.
Contents
[hide]

* 1 The Videos
* 2 Round The 1th: FIGHT!
* 3 Competitors
o 3.1 Beetles
o 3.2 Scorpions
o 3.3 Jerusalem Cricket
o 3.4 Camel Spider
o 3.5 African Cave Spider (Tailless Whip Scorpion)
o 3.6 Centipedes
o 3.7 Japanese Hornet
o 3.8 Tarantula
o 3.9 Lobster
o 3.10 Praying Mantis
o 3.11 Grasshopper
* 4 Controversy
* 5 See Also
* 6 External Links

[edit] The Videos
Check out those hi-tech grafix.
Check out those hi-tech grafix.
They have one lifting weights, WTF?
They have one lifting weights, WTF?
Anon will make a Godhand Edit out of anything.
Anon will make a Godhand Edit out of anything.

The videos have gained quite a bit of notoriety and infamy on the webs, and are very popular among both 13 year old boys and sick fucks who like watching things kill each other (the internet's two key demographics). The videos are all hosted on japanesebugfights.com, but most of the videos, as well as others, can be found on gladiatorbugs.com or YouTube.

Japanesebugfights.com seems to be the original source of the videos. The videos have all sorts of elaborate graphics, sound effects, and epic music played in the background, making the videos all the lulzier. Additionally, one thing that is simultaneously great yet irritating about the videos is that trademark Japanese commentary. While Japanese commentary can make pretty much any event hilarious, it's impossible to tell what's being said, since nobody has ever bothered to translate the moonspeak. This becomes a problem at the end of some of the videos, since there isn't always a clear winner and both bugs are sometimes left alive. It is assumed that the Japs then go to the scorecard to declare the winner. And perhaps the lulziest part of all is that the site displays ads for pest control during the whole thing. In addition to the 30-part video series, the site also has a section for user-submitted content. However, there are only 4 user-submitted videos, one of which was baleeted from YouTube. Finally, there's a rules section, showing that this forced battling of mindless creatures is, in fact, very organized and professional.

RULES OF JAPANESE BUG FIGHTS

1th Rule: You do not talk about Japanese Bug Fights.
2th Rule: You DO NOT talk about Japanese Bug Fights.
3th Rule: If a bug says "stop," goes limp, or taps out, the fight is over.
4th Rule: Only two bugs to a fight.
5th Rule: One fight at a time.
6th Rule: No shirts, no shoes.
7th Rule: Fights will go on as long as they have to.
8th Rule: If this is your first night at Japanese Bug Fights, you HAVE to fight.

Oh sorry, those are the rules to Fight Club. Though it shares a couple rules with Fight Club, Japanese Bug Fights is actually closer to Thunderdome's "two men enter, one man leaves":

1. Two Bugs to a fight
2. Bug fights go on as long as they have to
3. No outside weapons in Bug Fights

Of course, use of pokeballs, or other trainer intervention is not possible, as the participants are isolated in the plastic cube.

On the Americanized site Gladiatorbugs.com, most of these videos are hosted along with a bunch of others from around the web. Coupled with the videos are descriptions and information on some of the noble insect warriors. This site also allows comments, so you get some interesting discussion, as well.

Finally, as with mostly anything else in the world, you can find tons of these videos on YouTube. And, of course, the best thing about watching the videos on YouTube is reading the comments. Along with the standard "ZOMG AWESOME 5 STARS!!1" responses and the inevitable whining about animal rights, there's also a fair amount of professional analysis of the fights and people arguing over their favorite competitors. For example:




dude, do you even know what ur saying??

OFCOURSE THE SCORP WILL WIN IF IT'S TWICE AS BIG... >.> because the stag beetle dun have offence anymore of it's fangs..




—YouTube commenter AntieTurk defending his competitor of choice





HAHAHAHA!!!!! No law in insects fighting. fuck you PETA!



—Commenter viperpack shares his two cents


[edit] Round The 1th: FIGHT!

The first video in the series - Camel Spider vs. Giant Cricket (Orthopteran)




Let's SEE what happens if the Japanese Bug Fighting Federation has the Jerusalem Cricket (potato bug?) fights either a Goliath spider or a Assassin Bug or even a Black Widow Spider?? Or a army of Fire Ants Or Bulldog Ants?



—The possibilities are endless



The final video in the series - Stag Beetle vs. Scorpion




very technical fight. the bug sweaped scopian from a side control to a kimura. scopian was able to free his arm from what appeared to be an arm bar but was picked up and slammed.



—suncoast233 gives a very detailed fight analysis


Tarantula, kicking ass
Tarantula, kicking ass
Hornet, I choose you!
Hornet, I choose you!
Beetle versus scorpion in the finals
Beetle versus scorpion in the finals

* The 1th - Giant Cricket (Orthopteran) vs. Camel Spider (and yes, they actually spell it with a "th")
* The 2th - Scorpion vs. Hornet (not available on JBF.com)
* The 3th - Stag Beetle vs. Scorpion
* The 4th - Tropical Centipede vs. Hornet
* The 5th - Stag Beetle vs. Atlas Beetle
* The 6th - Camel Spider vs. Praying Mantis
* The 7th - Scorpion vs. Tarantula
* The 8th - Stag Beetle vs. Lobster
* The 9th - Cave Centipede vs. Cricket (Orthopteran)
* The 10th - Hornet vs. Praying Mantis
* The 11th - Scorpion vs. Lobster
* The 12th - Tropical Centipede vs. Hornet - (Rematch)
* The 13th - Tarantula vs. Rhinoceros Beetle
* The 14th - African Cave Spider vs. Praying Mantis
* The 15th - Hornet vs. Scorpion - (Rematch)
* The 16th - Scorpion vs. Tropical Centipede
* The 17th - Scorpion vs. Tarantula
* The 18th - Cricket (Orthopteran) vs. Praying Mantis
* The 19th - Camel Spider vs. Praying Mantis
* The 20th - Atlas Beetle vs. Lobster
* The 21th - Scorpion vs. Tropical Centipede - Rematch
* The 22th - Scorpion vs. Scorpion
* The 23th - Stag Beetle vs. Tropical Centipede
* The 24th - Tropical Centipede vs. Scorpion - Again
* The 25th - Atlas Beetle vs. Scorpion
* The 26th - Tarantula vs. African Cave Spider
* The 27th - Hornet vs. Grasshopper
* The 28th - African Cave Spider vs. Fail Beetle
* The 29th - Tropical Centipede vs. Scorpion
* The 30th - Stag Beetle vs. Scorpion

[edit] Competitors

Japanese Bug Fighting features a wide variety of horrifying creatures that could most likely kick your ass in a fight. The bugs that compete are the kind of stuff of which nightmares are made. Below are all of the warriors, along with descriptions and rankings.
[edit] Beetles

(Champion)

Record: 7 wins 2 losses, 1 mirror match .777 winning percentage
Offense: 6
Defense: 9
Speed: 4
Poison: No
Special Move: Body slam
Fighting Style: Utilizes strength to push opponents around, relies on hard shell for defense

The beetles are sort of the tank class of the bugs, relying on their superior defenses to best their enemies. There are actually four different kinds of beetles that compete, two of which are pretty kickass. There's the stag beetle, which has two pincers, and there's the slightly larger atlas beetle, which has three. One would think that MOAR would be better, but as the 5th video in the series proves it isn't the size that matters, it's the technique (A theory which does not carry over to penis size, by the way; enjoy your small cock). Then there's the rhinoceros beetle. The rhinoceros was smaller, and pretty crappy in general. In his only battle he recorded the beetles' first loss to the tarantula, in the 13th round. He was subsequently cut from the team, but this was really just a formality, as the tarantula had already made a bug juice smoothy out of him. Also, a plain old beetle was pretty much fed to an African Cave Spider as a sorry excuse for Round 28.
[edit] Scorpions

(Finalist)

Record: 6 wins, 6 losses, 1 mirror match .500 winning percentage
Offense: 10
Defense: 4
Speed: 5
Poison: Yes
Special Move: Tail swipe
Fighting Style: Stays away from opponent, then uses deadly stinger when confronted

If bug fighting were a vidya game, the scorpions would be the mage class. They don't have great defenses, but they can land a one-hit-kill at any moment. There are also a few different kinds of scorpions that compete, but they all look pretty similar, so nobody actually cares what the different species are. The scorpions usually tend to run away from their enemies, striking only when in danger. However, since they're confined to a 1 ft. plastic box, it's not likely that they're going to get away.
[edit] Jerusalem Cricket

Record: 2 wins, 0 losses, 1 draw 1.000 or .666 winning percentage
Offense: 6
Defense: 7
Speed: 6
Poison: No
Special Move: Jewjitsu kick
Fighting Style: Remains aggressive and uses powerful mouth/cutters, relies on solid defenses to withstand attacks

These giant cricket-like things (Jerusalem Cricket, Potato Bug, Orthopteran... whateverthefuck they're called) are surprisingly effective fighters. They have boltcutter-like mouths, and due to their medium size, are able to effectively attack most opponents.
[edit] Camel Spider

Record: 2 wins, 1 loss .666 winning percentage
Offense: 7
Defense: 5
Speed: 8
Poison: No
Special Move: Jihad
Fighting Style: Utilizes superior speed and size to best opponents

Despite only having had two victories against praying mantises and losing horribly to a cricket, fan favorite and living legend, the camel spider carries quite a presence in the bug arena. They're not quite as large as the Iraqi ones that you're used to seeing on the internets, but they're still pretty fucking scary. While they are not actually venomous, they are nonetheless incredibly fast and strong; one of these fuckers bites you, and you'll know about it. This can put them at a disadvantage to the really nasty stingers.

A camel spider lost in the 1th video to a Jerusalem Cricket, which is kind of weird considering that camel spiders have been known to eat Jerusalem Crickets. It is reported that a team was sent to capture a larger Iraqi camel spider for use in battle. There were no survivors.
[edit] African Cave Spider (Tailless Whip Scorpion)

Record: 2 wins, 1 loss .666 winning percentage
Offense: 7
Defense: 5
Speed: 4
Poison: No
Special Move: Vice grip
Fighting Style: Uses size and the powerful offensive capabilities of their large claws to its advantage

Remember that one episode of Fear Factor where they had to eat something and were in a casino, and Joe Rogan pulled the cover off that roulette table, and you were like, "OH GOD WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE?!" Those were African Cave Spiders. They have proved to be pretty effective fighters, but weren't featured in many fights for some reason.
[edit] Centipedes

Record: 4 wins, 3 losses, 1 draw .625 or .571 winning percentage
Offense: 6
Defense: 4
Speed: 7
Poison: Yes
Special Move: Slither attack
Fighting Style: Slithers around and uses speed to bypass opponent's attacks, utilizes venom for the kill

In addition to being formidable fighters, the centipedes that compete are quite fucking scary. The two different varieties consist of a tropical one with yellow legs and an equally terrifying one with legs like a fucking daddy long legs. They can both be obtained by searching the closest vagina in the vicinity.
[edit] Japanese Hornet

Record: 3 wins, 3 losses .500 winning percentage
Offense: 8
Defense: 5
Speed: 8
Poison: Yes
Special Move: The Stinger®
Fighting Style: Takes advantage of flight capabilities to stay out of danger, highly aggressive

A pretty fierce competitor, the Hornet frequently pulls off upsets on much larger opponents. Not that it would really matter in the real world, since, you know, they can fly and everything.
[edit] Tarantula

Record: 2 wins, 2 losses .500 winning percentage
Offense: 7
Defense: 6
Speed: 4
Poison: Yes
Special Move: Glomp
Fighting Style: Use size to intimidate opponent and gain position, then bites when there's an opening

Exactly what you'd expect; a big-ass spider. However, Tarantulas happen to be particularly fragile critters, and something as simple as a broken arm can mean death. Tarantulas, like all arthropods, have an open circulatory system, and their "blood" doesn't clot, so once they get holed they'll either bleed out or the insect version of Don King will have the fight stopped because big spiders are fucking expensive. Kind of like the flame tank in Command and Conquer.
[edit] Lobster

Record: 0 wins, 3 losses fail percentage
Offense: 5
Defense: 5
Speed: 3
Poison: No
Special Move: Claw pinch, weight lifting
Fighting Style: Uses pincers to ward off enemies, tries not to die, fails

Nobody's really quite sure why the hell these things were chosen for battle. They're not the usual big red lobsters that you're used to eating, though, but miniature fightin' ones. They usually put up a good fight, but in the end, lose every time. The organizers also put some water in the arena when the lobsters fight so they aren't at too much of a disadvantage. Again, nobody knows why the fuck these things are even there.
[edit] Praying Mantis

Record: 0 wins, 5 losses mega fail percentage
Offense: 5
Defense: 4
Speed: 6
Poison: No
Special Move: Kung-fu action arms
Fighting Style: Approaches opponents tentatively, pins down opponents

Despite what one might think, the mantises actually suck ass in Bug Fights. Although they're known for their bug killin' prowess in the real world, the bug arena really isn't suited to them. They're fighting style is more along the lines of the assassin class, so head-to-head confrontations don't go so well. They lose all of their fights, much to the disappointment of viewers.




poor mantis DID U KNOW YOU COULD GET SUED FOR KILLED THAT BEAUTIFUL CREATURE



—YouTube user kkgurlxoxo, after watching a praying mantis get its shit ruined by a camel spider


FACT: It's a stupid schoolyard myth that praying manti are endangered or that it is illegal to kill them. Anyone who believes that shit past the age of 9 is retarded, including you.
[edit] Grasshopper

Record: 0 wins, 1 loss everyone hates you percentage
Offense: 2
Defense: 3
Speed: 9
Poison: No
Special Move: Fail attack
Fighting Style: Hops around until it dies

It appears that the coordinators either got incredibly drunk when choosing combatants or simply ran out of ideas. Either way, the grasshopper only appears in one fight and gets owned by a hornet. Its primary means of defense seemed to be to hop away, but since it was trapped in a plexiglass crate with a creature that could fly, it didn't stand much of a chance. Granted, it was a pretty fucking big grasshopper, and you'd probably scream like a little girl if you saw it.
[edit] Controversy
These people rage when you eat a chicken nugget in front of them, so what do you expect?
These people rage when you eat a chicken nugget in front of them, so what do you expect?

Of course, many see this cherished Japanese pastime not as an entertaining event, but as a cruel, sick game of animal cruelty. But those people are all a bunch of furries and animal fuckers, so nobody really cares what they think. One reason this stuff still takes place is because the creatures in question are all terrifying insects, and not cuddly farm animals or dolphins. You see, the lack of fur dissuades most animal rights activists from throwing hissyfits and picketing outside the Japanese Bug Fighting headquarters. Still, there are some hardcore PETA members that disdain the time honored tradition of bug dueling, and they're not afraid to let their feelings be known to the whole internet.




sick fuckers, i hope these bugs rip you to shreds when your sleeping



—Have fun falling asleep tonight





dont these people have anything else better to do then watch bugs fight those jackasses in the crowd need to learn how to get a life



—The answer to your question would be "No."





That's kind of fucked up. Both insects wanted to get the hell out of that cage. The human race is a scourge upon the earth



—Cry me a river, bitch.


Won't somebody think of the bugs?
Won't somebody think of the bugs?


yeah free mike vick....and lock you up instead.



—Dogs ≠ Crickets (not that there's anything wrong with dogfighting, of course)





*shakes head*... First whales and now insects... If we don't get japanese people and force them to fight in a glass box then there will be no animals left in this world! stoopid nips



—User schlicknick, saying what we're all thinking





I am asian but truly I am sickened by this.

why isnt this reported as animal abuse?
I know some of the bugs these guys are 'using' are illegal to kill because they are endangered.
And for all you assholes that think that all chinese or asians like this kind of bug violence then your a fucked up son of a bitch, to think that.




—A sick Asian


[edit] See Also

* Animal abuse
* Japan
* Spider
* Camel spider
* Centipedes
* Pokemon
* Mortal Kombat
* Michael Vick
* Awesome
* Win

[edit] External Links

* japanesebugfights.com
* Rules of Bug Fighting
* gladiatorbugs.com
* Bug Fight Compilation
* Tarantula pusses out before a Centipede
* Lobster gets owned by a Scorpion
* Home video of two black widows, a roach, and a praying mantis fighting
* Two rhinoceros beetles dueling
* Snake vs. Banana Slug
* 30 Hornets vs. 30,000 Bees
* Parody - /facepalm



Image:pooranimals_icon.gif Japanese Bug Fights is part of a series on bad things happening to animals.

[Expand] [Collapse] [Expand] 0
Basic Concepts

Furry • Bestiality • Taxidermy • Animal Abuse
Opposing Concepts

Animal rights • Vegetarian
BestiLOLity in Action

Poeticirony • Darkhorseman • Mr. Hands • WolfJLupus • Chibiabos • Charles-wolfman • ShadoWolffess • Snover • Skylos • Marry Your Pet • Neuticles.com • Dalhusky • Cory Williamson • Abbie Hawkins
Why We Don't Have Nice Things

Michael Vick, a.k.a. Ron Mexico • Chevy the Therapy Dog • City glitter • LinktheWolf • Staredog • Tinkebell • Wang Jeu • Zeriara • Zippocat • NEDM • David Motari • Camrose Cat Killers • "Mudkips" the cat • Heaven • Japanese Bug Fights
Revenge

Animal Liberation Front • Carlos Sousa Jr • Death Cat • Steve Irwin • PETA
Retrieved from "http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Japanese_Bug_Fights"

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Anónimo dijo...

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Japanese Bug Fights
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to: navigation, search


Only in Japan...
Only in Japan...
THIS WILL BE OUR FINAL BATTLE!
THIS WILL BE OUR FINAL BATTLE!

Japanese Bug Fights are, in essence, the pinnacle of Japanese culture and one of the most awesome things you can find on the internets (right behind pornography and Encyclopedia Dramatica). The phrase "Japanese Bug Fights" refers to a 30-part video series featuring various kinds of insects, arachnids, and other terrifying creatures battling to the death in a little plastic arena. Naturally, something this fucked up could only come from Japan.
Contents
[hide]

* 1 The Videos
* 2 Round The 1th: FIGHT!
* 3 Competitors
o 3.1 Beetles
o 3.2 Scorpions
o 3.3 Jerusalem Cricket
o 3.4 Camel Spider
o 3.5 African Cave Spider (Tailless Whip Scorpion)
o 3.6 Centipedes
o 3.7 Japanese Hornet
o 3.8 Tarantula
o 3.9 Lobster
o 3.10 Praying Mantis
o 3.11 Grasshopper
* 4 Controversy
* 5 See Also
* 6 External Links

[edit] The Videos
Check out those hi-tech grafix.
Check out those hi-tech grafix.
They have one lifting weights, WTF?
They have one lifting weights, WTF?
Anon will make a Godhand Edit out of anything.
Anon will make a Godhand Edit out of anything.

The videos have gained quite a bit of notoriety and infamy on the webs, and are very popular among both 13 year old boys and sick fucks who like watching things kill each other (the internet's two key demographics). The videos are all hosted on japanesebugfights.com, but most of the videos, as well as others, can be found on gladiatorbugs.com or YouTube.

Japanesebugfights.com seems to be the original source of the videos. The videos have all sorts of elaborate graphics, sound effects, and epic music played in the background, making the videos all the lulzier. Additionally, one thing that is simultaneously great yet irritating about the videos is that trademark Japanese commentary. While Japanese commentary can make pretty much any event hilarious, it's impossible to tell what's being said, since nobody has ever bothered to translate the moonspeak. This becomes a problem at the end of some of the videos, since there isn't always a clear winner and both bugs are sometimes left alive. It is assumed that the Japs then go to the scorecard to declare the winner. And perhaps the lulziest part of all is that the site displays ads for pest control during the whole thing. In addition to the 30-part video series, the site also has a section for user-submitted content. However, there are only 4 user-submitted videos, one of which was baleeted from YouTube. Finally, there's a rules section, showing that this forced battling of mindless creatures is, in fact, very organized and professional.

RULES OF JAPANESE BUG FIGHTS

1th Rule: You do not talk about Japanese Bug Fights.
2th Rule: You DO NOT talk about Japanese Bug Fights.
3th Rule: If a bug says "stop," goes limp, or taps out, the fight is over.
4th Rule: Only two bugs to a fight.
5th Rule: One fight at a time.
6th Rule: No shirts, no shoes.
7th Rule: Fights will go on as long as they have to.
8th Rule: If this is your first night at Japanese Bug Fights, you HAVE to fight.

Oh sorry, those are the rules to Fight Club. Though it shares a couple rules with Fight Club, Japanese Bug Fights is actually closer to Thunderdome's "two men enter, one man leaves":

1. Two Bugs to a fight
2. Bug fights go on as long as they have to
3. No outside weapons in Bug Fights

Of course, use of pokeballs, or other trainer intervention is not possible, as the participants are isolated in the plastic cube.

On the Americanized site Gladiatorbugs.com, most of these videos are hosted along with a bunch of others from around the web. Coupled with the videos are descriptions and information on some of the noble insect warriors. This site also allows comments, so you get some interesting discussion, as well.

Finally, as with mostly anything else in the world, you can find tons of these videos on YouTube. And, of course, the best thing about watching the videos on YouTube is reading the comments. Along with the standard "ZOMG AWESOME 5 STARS!!1" responses and the inevitable whining about animal rights, there's also a fair amount of professional analysis of the fights and people arguing over their favorite competitors. For example:




dude, do you even know what ur saying??

OFCOURSE THE SCORP WILL WIN IF IT'S TWICE AS BIG... >.> because the stag beetle dun have offence anymore of it's fangs..




—YouTube commenter AntieTurk defending his competitor of choice





HAHAHAHA!!!!! No law in insects fighting. fuck you PETA!



—Commenter viperpack shares his two cents


[edit] Round The 1th: FIGHT!

The first video in the series - Camel Spider vs. Giant Cricket (Orthopteran)




Let's SEE what happens if the Japanese Bug Fighting Federation has the Jerusalem Cricket (potato bug?) fights either a Goliath spider or a Assassin Bug or even a Black Widow Spider?? Or a army of Fire Ants Or Bulldog Ants?



—The possibilities are endless



The final video in the series - Stag Beetle vs. Scorpion




very technical fight. the bug sweaped scopian from a side control to a kimura. scopian was able to free his arm from what appeared to be an arm bar but was picked up and slammed.



—suncoast233 gives a very detailed fight analysis


Tarantula, kicking ass
Tarantula, kicking ass
Hornet, I choose you!
Hornet, I choose you!
Beetle versus scorpion in the finals
Beetle versus scorpion in the finals

* The 1th - Giant Cricket (Orthopteran) vs. Camel Spider (and yes, they actually spell it with a "th")
* The 2th - Scorpion vs. Hornet (not available on JBF.com)
* The 3th - Stag Beetle vs. Scorpion
* The 4th - Tropical Centipede vs. Hornet
* The 5th - Stag Beetle vs. Atlas Beetle
* The 6th - Camel Spider vs. Praying Mantis
* The 7th - Scorpion vs. Tarantula
* The 8th - Stag Beetle vs. Lobster
* The 9th - Cave Centipede vs. Cricket (Orthopteran)
* The 10th - Hornet vs. Praying Mantis
* The 11th - Scorpion vs. Lobster
* The 12th - Tropical Centipede vs. Hornet - (Rematch)
* The 13th - Tarantula vs. Rhinoceros Beetle
* The 14th - African Cave Spider vs. Praying Mantis
* The 15th - Hornet vs. Scorpion - (Rematch)
* The 16th - Scorpion vs. Tropical Centipede
* The 17th - Scorpion vs. Tarantula
* The 18th - Cricket (Orthopteran) vs. Praying Mantis
* The 19th - Camel Spider vs. Praying Mantis
* The 20th - Atlas Beetle vs. Lobster
* The 21th - Scorpion vs. Tropical Centipede - Rematch
* The 22th - Scorpion vs. Scorpion
* The 23th - Stag Beetle vs. Tropical Centipede
* The 24th - Tropical Centipede vs. Scorpion - Again
* The 25th - Atlas Beetle vs. Scorpion
* The 26th - Tarantula vs. African Cave Spider
* The 27th - Hornet vs. Grasshopper
* The 28th - African Cave Spider vs. Fail Beetle
* The 29th - Tropical Centipede vs. Scorpion
* The 30th - Stag Beetle vs. Scorpion

[edit] Competitors

Japanese Bug Fighting features a wide variety of horrifying creatures that could most likely kick your ass in a fight. The bugs that compete are the kind of stuff of which nightmares are made. Below are all of the warriors, along with descriptions and rankings.
[edit] Beetles

(Champion)

Record: 7 wins 2 losses, 1 mirror match .777 winning percentage
Offense: 6
Defense: 9
Speed: 4
Poison: No
Special Move: Body slam
Fighting Style: Utilizes strength to push opponents around, relies on hard shell for defense

The beetles are sort of the tank class of the bugs, relying on their superior defenses to best their enemies. There are actually four different kinds of beetles that compete, two of which are pretty kickass. There's the stag beetle, which has two pincers, and there's the slightly larger atlas beetle, which has three. One would think that MOAR would be better, but as the 5th video in the series proves it isn't the size that matters, it's the technique (A theory which does not carry over to penis size, by the way; enjoy your small cock). Then there's the rhinoceros beetle. The rhinoceros was smaller, and pretty crappy in general. In his only battle he recorded the beetles' first loss to the tarantula, in the 13th round. He was subsequently cut from the team, but this was really just a formality, as the tarantula had already made a bug juice smoothy out of him. Also, a plain old beetle was pretty much fed to an African Cave Spider as a sorry excuse for Round 28.
[edit] Scorpions

(Finalist)

Record: 6 wins, 6 losses, 1 mirror match .500 winning percentage
Offense: 10
Defense: 4
Speed: 5
Poison: Yes
Special Move: Tail swipe
Fighting Style: Stays away from opponent, then uses deadly stinger when confronted

If bug fighting were a vidya game, the scorpions would be the mage class. They don't have great defenses, but they can land a one-hit-kill at any moment. There are also a few different kinds of scorpions that compete, but they all look pretty similar, so nobody actually cares what the different species are. The scorpions usually tend to run away from their enemies, striking only when in danger. However, since they're confined to a 1 ft. plastic box, it's not likely that they're going to get away.
[edit] Jerusalem Cricket

Record: 2 wins, 0 losses, 1 draw 1.000 or .666 winning percentage
Offense: 6
Defense: 7
Speed: 6
Poison: No
Special Move: Jewjitsu kick
Fighting Style: Remains aggressive and uses powerful mouth/cutters, relies on solid defenses to withstand attacks

These giant cricket-like things (Jerusalem Cricket, Potato Bug, Orthopteran... whateverthefuck they're called) are surprisingly effective fighters. They have boltcutter-like mouths, and due to their medium size, are able to effectively attack most opponents.
[edit] Camel Spider

Record: 2 wins, 1 loss .666 winning percentage
Offense: 7
Defense: 5
Speed: 8
Poison: No
Special Move: Jihad
Fighting Style: Utilizes superior speed and size to best opponents

Despite only having had two victories against praying mantises and losing horribly to a cricket, fan favorite and living legend, the camel spider carries quite a presence in the bug arena. They're not quite as large as the Iraqi ones that you're used to seeing on the internets, but they're still pretty fucking scary. While they are not actually venomous, they are nonetheless incredibly fast and strong; one of these fuckers bites you, and you'll know about it. This can put them at a disadvantage to the really nasty stingers.

A camel spider lost in the 1th video to a Jerusalem Cricket, which is kind of weird considering that camel spiders have been known to eat Jerusalem Crickets. It is reported that a team was sent to capture a larger Iraqi camel spider for use in battle. There were no survivors.
[edit] African Cave Spider (Tailless Whip Scorpion)

Record: 2 wins, 1 loss .666 winning percentage
Offense: 7
Defense: 5
Speed: 4
Poison: No
Special Move: Vice grip
Fighting Style: Uses size and the powerful offensive capabilities of their large claws to its advantage

Remember that one episode of Fear Factor where they had to eat something and were in a casino, and Joe Rogan pulled the cover off that roulette table, and you were like, "OH GOD WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE?!" Those were African Cave Spiders. They have proved to be pretty effective fighters, but weren't featured in many fights for some reason.
[edit] Centipedes

Record: 4 wins, 3 losses, 1 draw .625 or .571 winning percentage
Offense: 6
Defense: 4
Speed: 7
Poison: Yes
Special Move: Slither attack
Fighting Style: Slithers around and uses speed to bypass opponent's attacks, utilizes venom for the kill

In addition to being formidable fighters, the centipedes that compete are quite fucking scary. The two different varieties consist of a tropical one with yellow legs and an equally terrifying one with legs like a fucking daddy long legs. They can both be obtained by searching the closest vagina in the vicinity.
[edit] Japanese Hornet

Record: 3 wins, 3 losses .500 winning percentage
Offense: 8
Defense: 5
Speed: 8
Poison: Yes
Special Move: The Stinger®
Fighting Style: Takes advantage of flight capabilities to stay out of danger, highly aggressive

A pretty fierce competitor, the Hornet frequently pulls off upsets on much larger opponents. Not that it would really matter in the real world, since, you know, they can fly and everything.
[edit] Tarantula

Record: 2 wins, 2 losses .500 winning percentage
Offense: 7
Defense: 6
Speed: 4
Poison: Yes
Special Move: Glomp
Fighting Style: Use size to intimidate opponent and gain position, then bites when there's an opening

Exactly what you'd expect; a big-ass spider. However, Tarantulas happen to be particularly fragile critters, and something as simple as a broken arm can mean death. Tarantulas, like all arthropods, have an open circulatory system, and their "blood" doesn't clot, so once they get holed they'll either bleed out or the insect version of Don King will have the fight stopped because big spiders are fucking expensive. Kind of like the flame tank in Command and Conquer.
[edit] Lobster

Record: 0 wins, 3 losses fail percentage
Offense: 5
Defense: 5
Speed: 3
Poison: No
Special Move: Claw pinch, weight lifting
Fighting Style: Uses pincers to ward off enemies, tries not to die, fails

Nobody's really quite sure why the hell these things were chosen for battle. They're not the usual big red lobsters that you're used to eating, though, but miniature fightin' ones. They usually put up a good fight, but in the end, lose every time. The organizers also put some water in the arena when the lobsters fight so they aren't at too much of a disadvantage. Again, nobody knows why the fuck these things are even there.
[edit] Praying Mantis

Record: 0 wins, 5 losses mega fail percentage
Offense: 5
Defense: 4
Speed: 6
Poison: No
Special Move: Kung-fu action arms
Fighting Style: Approaches opponents tentatively, pins down opponents

Despite what one might think, the mantises actually suck ass in Bug Fights. Although they're known for their bug killin' prowess in the real world, the bug arena really isn't suited to them. They're fighting style is more along the lines of the assassin class, so head-to-head confrontations don't go so well. They lose all of their fights, much to the disappointment of viewers.




poor mantis DID U KNOW YOU COULD GET SUED FOR KILLED THAT BEAUTIFUL CREATURE



—YouTube user kkgurlxoxo, after watching a praying mantis get its shit ruined by a camel spider


FACT: It's a stupid schoolyard myth that praying manti are endangered or that it is illegal to kill them. Anyone who believes that shit past the age of 9 is retarded, including you.
[edit] Grasshopper

Record: 0 wins, 1 loss everyone hates you percentage
Offense: 2
Defense: 3
Speed: 9
Poison: No
Special Move: Fail attack
Fighting Style: Hops around until it dies

It appears that the coordinators either got incredibly drunk when choosing combatants or simply ran out of ideas. Either way, the grasshopper only appears in one fight and gets owned by a hornet. Its primary means of defense seemed to be to hop away, but since it was trapped in a plexiglass crate with a creature that could fly, it didn't stand much of a chance. Granted, it was a pretty fucking big grasshopper, and you'd probably scream like a little girl if you saw it.
[edit] Controversy
These people rage when you eat a chicken nugget in front of them, so what do you expect?
These people rage when you eat a chicken nugget in front of them, so what do you expect?

Of course, many see this cherished Japanese pastime not as an entertaining event, but as a cruel, sick game of animal cruelty. But those people are all a bunch of furries and animal fuckers, so nobody really cares what they think. One reason this stuff still takes place is because the creatures in question are all terrifying insects, and not cuddly farm animals or dolphins. You see, the lack of fur dissuades most animal rights activists from throwing hissyfits and picketing outside the Japanese Bug Fighting headquarters. Still, there are some hardcore PETA members that disdain the time honored tradition of bug dueling, and they're not afraid to let their feelings be known to the whole internet.




sick fuckers, i hope these bugs rip you to shreds when your sleeping



—Have fun falling asleep tonight





dont these people have anything else better to do then watch bugs fight those jackasses in the crowd need to learn how to get a life



—The answer to your question would be "No."





That's kind of fucked up. Both insects wanted to get the hell out of that cage. The human race is a scourge upon the earth



—Cry me a river, bitch.


Won't somebody think of the bugs?
Won't somebody think of the bugs?


yeah free mike vick....and lock you up instead.



—Dogs ≠ Crickets (not that there's anything wrong with dogfighting, of course)





*shakes head*... First whales and now insects... If we don't get japanese people and force them to fight in a glass box then there will be no animals left in this world! stoopid nips



—User schlicknick, saying what we're all thinking





I am asian but truly I am sickened by this.

why isnt this reported as animal abuse?
I know some of the bugs these guys are 'using' are illegal to kill because they are endangered.
And for all you assholes that think that all chinese or asians like this kind of bug violence then your a fucked up son of a bitch, to think that.




—A sick Asian


[edit] See Also

* Animal abuse
* Japan
* Spider
* Camel spider
* Centipedes
* Pokemon
* Mortal Kombat
* Michael Vick
* Awesome
* Win

[edit] External Links

* japanesebugfights.com
* Rules of Bug Fighting
* gladiatorbugs.com
* Bug Fight Compilation
* Tarantula pusses out before a Centipede
* Lobster gets owned by a Scorpion
* Home video of two black widows, a roach, and a praying mantis fighting
* Two rhinoceros beetles dueling
* Snake vs. Banana Slug
* 30 Hornets vs. 30,000 Bees
* Parody - /facepalm



Image:pooranimals_icon.gif Japanese Bug Fights is part of a series on bad things happening to animals.

[Expand] [Collapse] [Expand] 0
Basic Concepts

Furry • Bestiality • Taxidermy • Animal Abuse
Opposing Concepts

Animal rights • Vegetarian
BestiLOLity in Action

Poeticirony • Darkhorseman • Mr. Hands • WolfJLupus • Chibiabos • Charles-wolfman • ShadoWolffess • Snover • Skylos • Marry Your Pet • Neuticles.com • Dalhusky • Cory Williamson • Abbie Hawkins
Why We Don't Have Nice Things

Michael Vick, a.k.a. Ron Mexico • Chevy the Therapy Dog • City glitter • LinktheWolf • Staredog • Tinkebell • Wang Jeu • Zeriara • Zippocat • NEDM • David Motari • Camrose Cat Killers • "Mudkips" the cat • Heaven • Japanese Bug Fights
Revenge

Animal Liberation Front • Carlos Sousa Jr • Death Cat • Steve Irwin • PETA
Retrieved from "http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Japanese_Bug_Fights"

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ME VALE VERGA dijo...

lo pusieron tantas veces para que lo entendieramos???????????????????????????????????????'





no yo nadamas aqui de pinche hablador

Anónimo dijo...

Joseph Evers welcomes new LinkedIn and Facebook connections!
Japanese Bug Fights
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Only in Japan...
Only in Japan...
THIS WILL BE OUR FINAL BATTLE!
THIS WILL BE OUR FINAL BATTLE!

Japanese Bug Fights are, in essence, the pinnacle of Japanese culture and one of the most awesome things you can find on the internets (right behind pornography and Encyclopedia Dramatica). The phrase "Japanese Bug Fights" refers to a 30-part video series featuring various kinds of insects, arachnids, and other terrifying creatures battling to the death in a little plastic arena. Naturally, something this fucked up could only come from Japan.
Contents
[hide]

* 1 The Videos
* 2 Round The 1th: FIGHT!
* 3 Competitors
o 3.1 Beetles
o 3.2 Scorpions
o 3.3 Jerusalem Cricket
o 3.4 Camel Spider
o 3.5 African Cave Spider (Tailless Whip Scorpion)
o 3.6 Centipedes
o 3.7 Japanese Hornet
o 3.8 Tarantula
o 3.9 Lobster
o 3.10 Praying Mantis
o 3.11 Grasshopper
* 4 Controversy
* 5 See Also
* 6 External Links

[edit] The Videos
Check out those hi-tech grafix.
Check out those hi-tech grafix.
They have one lifting weights, WTF?
They have one lifting weights, WTF?
Anon will make a Godhand Edit out of anything.
Anon will make a Godhand Edit out of anything.

The videos have gained quite a bit of notoriety and infamy on the webs, and are very popular among both 13 year old boys and sick fucks who like watching things kill each other (the internet's two key demographics). The videos are all hosted on japanesebugfights.com, but most of the videos, as well as others, can be found on gladiatorbugs.com or YouTube.

Japanesebugfights.com seems to be the original source of the videos. The videos have all sorts of elaborate graphics, sound effects, and epic music played in the background, making the videos all the lulzier. Additionally, one thing that is simultaneously great yet irritating about the videos is that trademark Japanese commentary. While Japanese commentary can make pretty much any event hilarious, it's impossible to tell what's being said, since nobody has ever bothered to translate the moonspeak. This becomes a problem at the end of some of the videos, since there isn't always a clear winner and both bugs are sometimes left alive. It is assumed that the Japs then go to the scorecard to declare the winner. And perhaps the lulziest part of all is that the site displays ads for pest control during the whole thing. In addition to the 30-part video series, the site also has a section for user-submitted content. However, there are only 4 user-submitted videos, one of which was baleeted from YouTube. Finally, there's a rules section, showing that this forced battling of mindless creatures is, in fact, very organized and professional.

RULES OF JAPANESE BUG FIGHTS

1th Rule: You do not talk about Japanese Bug Fights.
2th Rule: You DO NOT talk about Japanese Bug Fights.
3th Rule: If a bug says "stop," goes limp, or taps out, the fight is over.
4th Rule: Only two bugs to a fight.
5th Rule: One fight at a time.
6th Rule: No shirts, no shoes.
7th Rule: Fights will go on as long as they have to.
8th Rule: If this is your first night at Japanese Bug Fights, you HAVE to fight.

Oh sorry, those are the rules to Fight Club. Though it shares a couple rules with Fight Club, Japanese Bug Fights is actually closer to Thunderdome's "two men enter, one man leaves":

1. Two Bugs to a fight
2. Bug fights go on as long as they have to
3. No outside weapons in Bug Fights

Of course, use of pokeballs, or other trainer intervention is not possible, as the participants are isolated in the plastic cube.

On the Americanized site Gladiatorbugs.com, most of these videos are hosted along with a bunch of others from around the web. Coupled with the videos are descriptions and information on some of the noble insect warriors. This site also allows comments, so you get some interesting discussion, as well.

Finally, as with mostly anything else in the world, you can find tons of these videos on YouTube. And, of course, the best thing about watching the videos on YouTube is reading the comments. Along with the standard "ZOMG AWESOME 5 STARS!!1" responses and the inevitable whining about animal rights, there's also a fair amount of professional analysis of the fights and people arguing over their favorite competitors. For example:




dude, do you even know what ur saying??

OFCOURSE THE SCORP WILL WIN IF IT'S TWICE AS BIG... >.> because the stag beetle dun have offence anymore of it's fangs..




—YouTube commenter AntieTurk defending his competitor of choice





HAHAHAHA!!!!! No law in insects fighting. fuck you PETA!



—Commenter viperpack shares his two cents


[edit] Round The 1th: FIGHT!

The first video in the series - Camel Spider vs. Giant Cricket (Orthopteran)




Let's SEE what happens if the Japanese Bug Fighting Federation has the Jerusalem Cricket (potato bug?) fights either a Goliath spider or a Assassin Bug or even a Black Widow Spider?? Or a army of Fire Ants Or Bulldog Ants?



—The possibilities are endless



The final video in the series - Stag Beetle vs. Scorpion




very technical fight. the bug sweaped scopian from a side control to a kimura. scopian was able to free his arm from what appeared to be an arm bar but was picked up and slammed.



—suncoast233 gives a very detailed fight analysis


Tarantula, kicking ass
Tarantula, kicking ass
Hornet, I choose you!
Hornet, I choose you!
Beetle versus scorpion in the finals
Beetle versus scorpion in the finals

* The 1th - Giant Cricket (Orthopteran) vs. Camel Spider (and yes, they actually spell it with a "th")
* The 2th - Scorpion vs. Hornet (not available on JBF.com)
* The 3th - Stag Beetle vs. Scorpion
* The 4th - Tropical Centipede vs. Hornet
* The 5th - Stag Beetle vs. Atlas Beetle
* The 6th - Camel Spider vs. Praying Mantis
* The 7th - Scorpion vs. Tarantula
* The 8th - Stag Beetle vs. Lobster
* The 9th - Cave Centipede vs. Cricket (Orthopteran)
* The 10th - Hornet vs. Praying Mantis
* The 11th - Scorpion vs. Lobster
* The 12th - Tropical Centipede vs. Hornet - (Rematch)
* The 13th - Tarantula vs. Rhinoceros Beetle
* The 14th - African Cave Spider vs. Praying Mantis
* The 15th - Hornet vs. Scorpion - (Rematch)
* The 16th - Scorpion vs. Tropical Centipede
* The 17th - Scorpion vs. Tarantula
* The 18th - Cricket (Orthopteran) vs. Praying Mantis
* The 19th - Camel Spider vs. Praying Mantis
* The 20th - Atlas Beetle vs. Lobster
* The 21th - Scorpion vs. Tropical Centipede - Rematch
* The 22th - Scorpion vs. Scorpion
* The 23th - Stag Beetle vs. Tropical Centipede
* The 24th - Tropical Centipede vs. Scorpion - Again
* The 25th - Atlas Beetle vs. Scorpion
* The 26th - Tarantula vs. African Cave Spider
* The 27th - Hornet vs. Grasshopper
* The 28th - African Cave Spider vs. Fail Beetle
* The 29th - Tropical Centipede vs. Scorpion
* The 30th - Stag Beetle vs. Scorpion

[edit] Competitors

Japanese Bug Fighting features a wide variety of horrifying creatures that could most likely kick your ass in a fight. The bugs that compete are the kind of stuff of which nightmares are made. Below are all of the warriors, along with descriptions and rankings.
[edit] Beetles

(Champion)

Record: 7 wins 2 losses, 1 mirror match .777 winning percentage
Offense: 6
Defense: 9
Speed: 4
Poison: No
Special Move: Body slam
Fighting Style: Utilizes strength to push opponents around, relies on hard shell for defense

The beetles are sort of the tank class of the bugs, relying on their superior defenses to best their enemies. There are actually four different kinds of beetles that compete, two of which are pretty kickass. There's the stag beetle, which has two pincers, and there's the slightly larger atlas beetle, which has three. One would think that MOAR would be better, but as the 5th video in the series proves it isn't the size that matters, it's the technique (A theory which does not carry over to penis size, by the way; enjoy your small cock). Then there's the rhinoceros beetle. The rhinoceros was smaller, and pretty crappy in general. In his only battle he recorded the beetles' first loss to the tarantula, in the 13th round. He was subsequently cut from the team, but this was really just a formality, as the tarantula had already made a bug juice smoothy out of him. Also, a plain old beetle was pretty much fed to an African Cave Spider as a sorry excuse for Round 28.
[edit] Scorpions

(Finalist)

Record: 6 wins, 6 losses, 1 mirror match .500 winning percentage
Offense: 10
Defense: 4
Speed: 5
Poison: Yes
Special Move: Tail swipe
Fighting Style: Stays away from opponent, then uses deadly stinger when confronted

If bug fighting were a vidya game, the scorpions would be the mage class. They don't have great defenses, but they can land a one-hit-kill at any moment. There are also a few different kinds of scorpions that compete, but they all look pretty similar, so nobody actually cares what the different species are. The scorpions usually tend to run away from their enemies, striking only when in danger. However, since they're confined to a 1 ft. plastic box, it's not likely that they're going to get away.
[edit] Jerusalem Cricket

Record: 2 wins, 0 losses, 1 draw 1.000 or .666 winning percentage
Offense: 6
Defense: 7
Speed: 6
Poison: No
Special Move: Jewjitsu kick
Fighting Style: Remains aggressive and uses powerful mouth/cutters, relies on solid defenses to withstand attacks

These giant cricket-like things (Jerusalem Cricket, Potato Bug, Orthopteran... whateverthefuck they're called) are surprisingly effective fighters. They have boltcutter-like mouths, and due to their medium size, are able to effectively attack most opponents.
[edit] Camel Spider

Record: 2 wins, 1 loss .666 winning percentage
Offense: 7
Defense: 5
Speed: 8
Poison: No
Special Move: Jihad
Fighting Style: Utilizes superior speed and size to best opponents

Despite only having had two victories against praying mantises and losing horribly to a cricket, fan favorite and living legend, the camel spider carries quite a presence in the bug arena. They're not quite as large as the Iraqi ones that you're used to seeing on the internets, but they're still pretty fucking scary. While they are not actually venomous, they are nonetheless incredibly fast and strong; one of these fuckers bites you, and you'll know about it. This can put them at a disadvantage to the really nasty stingers.

A camel spider lost in the 1th video to a Jerusalem Cricket, which is kind of weird considering that camel spiders have been known to eat Jerusalem Crickets. It is reported that a team was sent to capture a larger Iraqi camel spider for use in battle. There were no survivors.
[edit] African Cave Spider (Tailless Whip Scorpion)

Record: 2 wins, 1 loss .666 winning percentage
Offense: 7
Defense: 5
Speed: 4
Poison: No
Special Move: Vice grip
Fighting Style: Uses size and the powerful offensive capabilities of their large claws to its advantage

Remember that one episode of Fear Factor where they had to eat something and were in a casino, and Joe Rogan pulled the cover off that roulette table, and you were like, "OH GOD WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE?!" Those were African Cave Spiders. They have proved to be pretty effective fighters, but weren't featured in many fights for some reason.
[edit] Centipedes

Record: 4 wins, 3 losses, 1 draw .625 or .571 winning percentage
Offense: 6
Defense: 4
Speed: 7
Poison: Yes
Special Move: Slither attack
Fighting Style: Slithers around and uses speed to bypass opponent's attacks, utilizes venom for the kill

In addition to being formidable fighters, the centipedes that compete are quite fucking scary. The two different varieties consist of a tropical one with yellow legs and an equally terrifying one with legs like a fucking daddy long legs. They can both be obtained by searching the closest vagina in the vicinity.
[edit] Japanese Hornet

Record: 3 wins, 3 losses .500 winning percentage
Offense: 8
Defense: 5
Speed: 8
Poison: Yes
Special Move: The Stinger®
Fighting Style: Takes advantage of flight capabilities to stay out of danger, highly aggressive

A pretty fierce competitor, the Hornet frequently pulls off upsets on much larger opponents. Not that it would really matter in the real world, since, you know, they can fly and everything.
[edit] Tarantula

Record: 2 wins, 2 losses .500 winning percentage
Offense: 7
Defense: 6
Speed: 4
Poison: Yes
Special Move: Glomp
Fighting Style: Use size to intimidate opponent and gain position, then bites when there's an opening

Exactly what you'd expect; a big-ass spider. However, Tarantulas happen to be particularly fragile critters, and something as simple as a broken arm can mean death. Tarantulas, like all arthropods, have an open circulatory system, and their "blood" doesn't clot, so once they get holed they'll either bleed out or the insect version of Don King will have the fight stopped because big spiders are fucking expensive. Kind of like the flame tank in Command and Conquer.
[edit] Lobster

Record: 0 wins, 3 losses fail percentage
Offense: 5
Defense: 5
Speed: 3
Poison: No
Special Move: Claw pinch, weight lifting
Fighting Style: Uses pincers to ward off enemies, tries not to die, fails

Nobody's really quite sure why the hell these things were chosen for battle. They're not the usual big red lobsters that you're used to eating, though, but miniature fightin' ones. They usually put up a good fight, but in the end, lose every time. The organizers also put some water in the arena when the lobsters fight so they aren't at too much of a disadvantage. Again, nobody knows why the fuck these things are even there.
[edit] Praying Mantis

Record: 0 wins, 5 losses mega fail percentage
Offense: 5
Defense: 4
Speed: 6
Poison: No
Special Move: Kung-fu action arms
Fighting Style: Approaches opponents tentatively, pins down opponents

Despite what one might think, the mantises actually suck ass in Bug Fights. Although they're known for their bug killin' prowess in the real world, the bug arena really isn't suited to them. They're fighting style is more along the lines of the assassin class, so head-to-head confrontations don't go so well. They lose all of their fights, much to the disappointment of viewers.




poor mantis DID U KNOW YOU COULD GET SUED FOR KILLED THAT BEAUTIFUL CREATURE



—YouTube user kkgurlxoxo, after watching a praying mantis get its shit ruined by a camel spider


FACT: It's a stupid schoolyard myth that praying manti are endangered or that it is illegal to kill them. Anyone who believes that shit past the age of 9 is retarded, including you.
[edit] Grasshopper

Record: 0 wins, 1 loss everyone hates you percentage
Offense: 2
Defense: 3
Speed: 9
Poison: No
Special Move: Fail attack
Fighting Style: Hops around until it dies

It appears that the coordinators either got incredibly drunk when choosing combatants or simply ran out of ideas. Either way, the grasshopper only appears in one fight and gets owned by a hornet. Its primary means of defense seemed to be to hop away, but since it was trapped in a plexiglass crate with a creature that could fly, it didn't stand much of a chance. Granted, it was a pretty fucking big grasshopper, and you'd probably scream like a little girl if you saw it.
[edit] Controversy
These people rage when you eat a chicken nugget in front of them, so what do you expect?
These people rage when you eat a chicken nugget in front of them, so what do you expect?

Of course, many see this cherished Japanese pastime not as an entertaining event, but as a cruel, sick game of animal cruelty. But those people are all a bunch of furries and animal fuckers, so nobody really cares what they think. One reason this stuff still takes place is because the creatures in question are all terrifying insects, and not cuddly farm animals or dolphins. You see, the lack of fur dissuades most animal rights activists from throwing hissyfits and picketing outside the Japanese Bug Fighting headquarters. Still, there are some hardcore PETA members that disdain the time honored tradition of bug dueling, and they're not afraid to let their feelings be known to the whole internet.




sick fuckers, i hope these bugs rip you to shreds when your sleeping



—Have fun falling asleep tonight





dont these people have anything else better to do then watch bugs fight those jackasses in the crowd need to learn how to get a life



—The answer to your question would be "No."





That's kind of fucked up. Both insects wanted to get the hell out of that cage. The human race is a scourge upon the earth



—Cry me a river, bitch.


Won't somebody think of the bugs?
Won't somebody think of the bugs?


yeah free mike vick....and lock you up instead.



—Dogs ≠ Crickets (not that there's anything wrong with dogfighting, of course)





*shakes head*... First whales and now insects... If we don't get japanese people and force them to fight in a glass box then there will be no animals left in this world! stoopid nips



—User schlicknick, saying what we're all thinking





I am asian but truly I am sickened by this.

why isnt this reported as animal abuse?
I know some of the bugs these guys are 'using' are illegal to kill because they are endangered.
And for all you assholes that think that all chinese or asians like this kind of bug violence then your a fucked up son of a bitch, to think that.




—A sick Asian


[edit] See Also

* Animal abuse
* Japan
* Spider
* Camel spider
* Centipedes
* Pokemon
* Mortal Kombat
* Michael Vick
* Awesome
* Win

[edit] External Links

* japanesebugfights.com
* Rules of Bug Fighting
* gladiatorbugs.com
* Bug Fight Compilation
* Tarantula pusses out before a Centipede
* Lobster gets owned by a Scorpion
* Home video of two black widows, a roach, and a praying mantis fighting
* Two rhinoceros beetles dueling
* Snake vs. Banana Slug
* 30 Hornets vs. 30,000 Bees
* Parody - /facepalm



Image:pooranimals_icon.gif Japanese Bug Fights is part of a series on bad things happening to animals.

[Expand] [Collapse] [Expand] 0
Basic Concepts

Furry • Bestiality • Taxidermy • Animal Abuse
Opposing Concepts

Animal rights • Vegetarian
BestiLOLity in Action

Poeticirony • Darkhorseman • Mr. Hands • WolfJLupus • Chibiabos • Charles-wolfman • ShadoWolffess • Snover • Skylos • Marry Your Pet • Neuticles.com • Dalhusky • Cory Williamson • Abbie Hawkins
Why We Don't Have Nice Things

Michael Vick, a.k.a. Ron Mexico • Chevy the Therapy Dog • City glitter • LinktheWolf • Staredog • Tinkebell • Wang Jeu • Zeriara • Zippocat • NEDM • David Motari • Camrose Cat Killers • "Mudkips" the cat • Heaven • Japanese Bug Fights
Revenge

Animal Liberation Front • Carlos Sousa Jr • Death Cat • Steve Irwin • PETA
Retrieved from "http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Japanese_Bug_Fights"

Categories: Drama-generating techniques | Internets Phenomena
Views

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* Discussion
* Edit
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* This page was last modified 09:18, 25 July 2008.
* This page has been accessed 23,952 times.
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julio 25, 2008 1:54 PM
Anónimo Anónimo dijo...

Joseph Evers welcomes new LinkedIn and Facebook connections!
Japanese Bug Fights
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to: navigation, search


Only in Japan...
Only in Japan...
THIS WILL BE OUR FINAL BATTLE!
THIS WILL BE OUR FINAL BATTLE!

Japanese Bug Fights are, in essence, the pinnacle of Japanese culture and one of the most awesome things you can find on the internets (right behind pornography and Encyclopedia Dramatica). The phrase "Japanese Bug Fights" refers to a 30-part video series featuring various kinds of insects, arachnids, and other terrifying creatures battling to the death in a little plastic arena. Naturally, something this fucked up could only come from Japan.
Contents
[hide]

* 1 The Videos
* 2 Round The 1th: FIGHT!
* 3 Competitors
o 3.1 Beetles
o 3.2 Scorpions
o 3.3 Jerusalem Cricket
o 3.4 Camel Spider
o 3.5 African Cave Spider (Tailless Whip Scorpion)
o 3.6 Centipedes
o 3.7 Japanese Hornet
o 3.8 Tarantula
o 3.9 Lobster
o 3.10 Praying Mantis
o 3.11 Grasshopper
* 4 Controversy
* 5 See Also
* 6 External Links

[edit] The Videos
Check out those hi-tech grafix.
Check out those hi-tech grafix.
They have one lifting weights, WTF?
They have one lifting weights, WTF?
Anon will make a Godhand Edit out of anything.
Anon will make a Godhand Edit out of anything.

The videos have gained quite a bit of notoriety and infamy on the webs, and are very popular among both 13 year old boys and sick fucks who like watching things kill each other (the internet's two key demographics). The videos are all hosted on japanesebugfights.com, but most of the videos, as well as others, can be found on gladiatorbugs.com or YouTube.

Japanesebugfights.com seems to be the original source of the videos. The videos have all sorts of elaborate graphics, sound effects, and epic music played in the background, making the videos all the lulzier. Additionally, one thing that is simultaneously great yet irritating about the videos is that trademark Japanese commentary. While Japanese commentary can make pretty much any event hilarious, it's impossible to tell what's being said, since nobody has ever bothered to translate the moonspeak. This becomes a problem at the end of some of the videos, since there isn't always a clear winner and both bugs are sometimes left alive. It is assumed that the Japs then go to the scorecard to declare the winner. And perhaps the lulziest part of all is that the site displays ads for pest control during the whole thing. In addition to the 30-part video series, the site also has a section for user-submitted content. However, there are only 4 user-submitted videos, one of which was baleeted from YouTube. Finally, there's a rules section, showing that this forced battling of mindless creatures is, in fact, very organized and professional.

RULES OF JAPANESE BUG FIGHTS

1th Rule: You do not talk about Japanese Bug Fights.
2th Rule: You DO NOT talk about Japanese Bug Fights.
3th Rule: If a bug says "stop," goes limp, or taps out, the fight is over.
4th Rule: Only two bugs to a fight.
5th Rule: One fight at a time.
6th Rule: No shirts, no shoes.
7th Rule: Fights will go on as long as they have to.
8th Rule: If this is your first night at Japanese Bug Fights, you HAVE to fight.

Oh sorry, those are the rules to Fight Club. Though it shares a couple rules with Fight Club, Japanese Bug Fights is actually closer to Thunderdome's "two men enter, one man leaves":

1. Two Bugs to a fight
2. Bug fights go on as long as they have to
3. No outside weapons in Bug Fights

Of course, use of pokeballs, or other trainer intervention is not possible, as the participants are isolated in the plastic cube.

On the Americanized site Gladiatorbugs.com, most of these videos are hosted along with a bunch of others from around the web. Coupled with the videos are descriptions and information on some of the noble insect warriors. This site also allows comments, so you get some interesting discussion, as well.

Finally, as with mostly anything else in the world, you can find tons of these videos on YouTube. And, of course, the best thing about watching the videos on YouTube is reading the comments. Along with the standard "ZOMG AWESOME 5 STARS!!1" responses and the inevitable whining about animal rights, there's also a fair amount of professional analysis of the fights and people arguing over their favorite competitors. For example:




dude, do you even know what ur saying??

OFCOURSE THE SCORP WILL WIN IF IT'S TWICE AS BIG... >.> because the stag beetle dun have offence anymore of it's fangs..




—YouTube commenter AntieTurk defending his competitor of choice





HAHAHAHA!!!!! No law in insects fighting. fuck you PETA!



—Commenter viperpack shares his two cents


[edit] Round The 1th: FIGHT!

The first video in the series - Camel Spider vs. Giant Cricket (Orthopteran)




Let's SEE what happens if the Japanese Bug Fighting Federation has the Jerusalem Cricket (potato bug?) fights either a Goliath spider or a Assassin Bug or even a Black Widow Spider?? Or a army of Fire Ants Or Bulldog Ants?



—The possibilities are endless



The final video in the series - Stag Beetle vs. Scorpion




very technical fight. the bug sweaped scopian from a side control to a kimura. scopian was able to free his arm from what appeared to be an arm bar but was picked up and slammed.



—suncoast233 gives a very detailed fight analysis


Tarantula, kicking ass
Tarantula, kicking ass
Hornet, I choose you!
Hornet, I choose you!
Beetle versus scorpion in the finals
Beetle versus scorpion in the finals

* The 1th - Giant Cricket (Orthopteran) vs. Camel Spider (and yes, they actually spell it with a "th")
* The 2th - Scorpion vs. Hornet (not available on JBF.com)
* The 3th - Stag Beetle vs. Scorpion
* The 4th - Tropical Centipede vs. Hornet
* The 5th - Stag Beetle vs. Atlas Beetle
* The 6th - Camel Spider vs. Praying Mantis
* The 7th - Scorpion vs. Tarantula
* The 8th - Stag Beetle vs. Lobster
* The 9th - Cave Centipede vs. Cricket (Orthopteran)
* The 10th - Hornet vs. Praying Mantis
* The 11th - Scorpion vs. Lobster
* The 12th - Tropical Centipede vs. Hornet - (Rematch)
* The 13th - Tarantula vs. Rhinoceros Beetle
* The 14th - African Cave Spider vs. Praying Mantis
* The 15th - Hornet vs. Scorpion - (Rematch)
* The 16th - Scorpion vs. Tropical Centipede
* The 17th - Scorpion vs. Tarantula
* The 18th - Cricket (Orthopteran) vs. Praying Mantis
* The 19th - Camel Spider vs. Praying Mantis
* The 20th - Atlas Beetle vs. Lobster
* The 21th - Scorpion vs. Tropical Centipede - Rematch
* The 22th - Scorpion vs. Scorpion
* The 23th - Stag Beetle vs. Tropical Centipede
* The 24th - Tropical Centipede vs. Scorpion - Again
* The 25th - Atlas Beetle vs. Scorpion
* The 26th - Tarantula vs. African Cave Spider
* The 27th - Hornet vs. Grasshopper
* The 28th - African Cave Spider vs. Fail Beetle
* The 29th - Tropical Centipede vs. Scorpion
* The 30th - Stag Beetle vs. Scorpion

[edit] Competitors

Japanese Bug Fighting features a wide variety of horrifying creatures that could most likely kick your ass in a fight. The bugs that compete are the kind of stuff of which nightmares are made. Below are all of the warriors, along with descriptions and rankings.
[edit] Beetles

(Champion)

Record: 7 wins 2 losses, 1 mirror match .777 winning percentage
Offense: 6
Defense: 9
Speed: 4
Poison: No
Special Move: Body slam
Fighting Style: Utilizes strength to push opponents around, relies on hard shell for defense

The beetles are sort of the tank class of the bugs, relying on their superior defenses to best their enemies. There are actually four different kinds of beetles that compete, two of which are pretty kickass. There's the stag beetle, which has two pincers, and there's the slightly larger atlas beetle, which has three. One would think that MOAR would be better, but as the 5th video in the series proves it isn't the size that matters, it's the technique (A theory which does not carry over to penis size, by the way; enjoy your small cock). Then there's the rhinoceros beetle. The rhinoceros was smaller, and pretty crappy in general. In his only battle he recorded the beetles' first loss to the tarantula, in the 13th round. He was subsequently cut from the team, but this was really just a formality, as the tarantula had already made a bug juice smoothy out of him. Also, a plain old beetle was pretty much fed to an African Cave Spider as a sorry excuse for Round 28.
[edit] Scorpions

(Finalist)

Record: 6 wins, 6 losses, 1 mirror match .500 winning percentage
Offense: 10
Defense: 4
Speed: 5
Poison: Yes
Special Move: Tail swipe
Fighting Style: Stays away from opponent, then uses deadly stinger when confronted

If bug fighting were a vidya game, the scorpions would be the mage class. They don't have great defenses, but they can land a one-hit-kill at any moment. There are also a few different kinds of scorpions that compete, but they all look pretty similar, so nobody actually cares what the different species are. The scorpions usually tend to run away from their enemies, striking only when in danger. However, since they're confined to a 1 ft. plastic box, it's not likely that they're going to get away.
[edit] Jerusalem Cricket

Record: 2 wins, 0 losses, 1 draw 1.000 or .666 winning percentage
Offense: 6
Defense: 7
Speed: 6
Poison: No
Special Move: Jewjitsu kick
Fighting Style: Remains aggressive and uses powerful mouth/cutters, relies on solid defenses to withstand attacks

These giant cricket-like things (Jerusalem Cricket, Potato Bug, Orthopteran... whateverthefuck they're called) are surprisingly effective fighters. They have boltcutter-like mouths, and due to their medium size, are able to effectively attack most opponents.
[edit] Camel Spider

Record: 2 wins, 1 loss .666 winning percentage
Offense: 7
Defense: 5
Speed: 8
Poison: No
Special Move: Jihad
Fighting Style: Utilizes superior speed and size to best opponents

Despite only having had two victories against praying mantises and losing horribly to a cricket, fan favorite and living legend, the camel spider carries quite a presence in the bug arena. They're not quite as large as the Iraqi ones that you're used to seeing on the internets, but they're still pretty fucking scary. While they are not actually venomous, they are nonetheless incredibly fast and strong; one of these fuckers bites you, and you'll know about it. This can put them at a disadvantage to the really nasty stingers.

A camel spider lost in the 1th video to a Jerusalem Cricket, which is kind of weird considering that camel spiders have been known to eat Jerusalem Crickets. It is reported that a team was sent to capture a larger Iraqi camel spider for use in battle. There were no survivors.
[edit] African Cave Spider (Tailless Whip Scorpion)

Record: 2 wins, 1 loss .666 winning percentage
Offense: 7
Defense: 5
Speed: 4
Poison: No
Special Move: Vice grip
Fighting Style: Uses size and the powerful offensive capabilities of their large claws to its advantage

Remember that one episode of Fear Factor where they had to eat something and were in a casino, and Joe Rogan pulled the cover off that roulette table, and you were like, "OH GOD WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE?!" Those were African Cave Spiders. They have proved to be pretty effective fighters, but weren't featured in many fights for some reason.
[edit] Centipedes

Record: 4 wins, 3 losses, 1 draw .625 or .571 winning percentage
Offense: 6
Defense: 4
Speed: 7
Poison: Yes
Special Move: Slither attack
Fighting Style: Slithers around and uses speed to bypass opponent's attacks, utilizes venom for the kill

In addition to being formidable fighters, the centipedes that compete are quite fucking scary. The two different varieties consist of a tropical one with yellow legs and an equally terrifying one with legs like a fucking daddy long legs. They can both be obtained by searching the closest vagina in the vicinity.
[edit] Japanese Hornet

Record: 3 wins, 3 losses .500 winning percentage
Offense: 8
Defense: 5
Speed: 8
Poison: Yes
Special Move: The Stinger®
Fighting Style: Takes advantage of flight capabilities to stay out of danger, highly aggressive

A pretty fierce competitor, the Hornet frequently pulls off upsets on much larger opponents. Not that it would really matter in the real world, since, you know, they can fly and everything.
[edit] Tarantula

Record: 2 wins, 2 losses .500 winning percentage
Offense: 7
Defense: 6
Speed: 4
Poison: Yes
Special Move: Glomp
Fighting Style: Use size to intimidate opponent and gain position, then bites when there's an opening

Exactly what you'd expect; a big-ass spider. However, Tarantulas happen to be particularly fragile critters, and something as simple as a broken arm can mean death. Tarantulas, like all arthropods, have an open circulatory system, and their "blood" doesn't clot, so once they get holed they'll either bleed out or the insect version of Don King will have the fight stopped because big spiders are fucking expensive. Kind of like the flame tank in Command and Conquer.
[edit] Lobster

Record: 0 wins, 3 losses fail percentage
Offense: 5
Defense: 5
Speed: 3
Poison: No
Special Move: Claw pinch, weight lifting
Fighting Style: Uses pincers to ward off enemies, tries not to die, fails

Nobody's really quite sure why the hell these things were chosen for battle. They're not the usual big red lobsters that you're used to eating, though, but miniature fightin' ones. They usually put up a good fight, but in the end, lose every time. The organizers also put some water in the arena when the lobsters fight so they aren't at too much of a disadvantage. Again, nobody knows why the fuck these things are even there.
[edit] Praying Mantis

Record: 0 wins, 5 losses mega fail percentage
Offense: 5
Defense: 4
Speed: 6
Poison: No
Special Move: Kung-fu action arms
Fighting Style: Approaches opponents tentatively, pins down opponents

Despite what one might think, the mantises actually suck ass in Bug Fights. Although they're known for their bug killin' prowess in the real world, the bug arena really isn't suited to them. They're fighting style is more along the lines of the assassin class, so head-to-head confrontations don't go so well. They lose all of their fights, much to the disappointment of viewers.




poor mantis DID U KNOW YOU COULD GET SUED FOR KILLED THAT BEAUTIFUL CREATURE



—YouTube user kkgurlxoxo, after watching a praying mantis get its shit ruined by a camel spider


FACT: It's a stupid schoolyard myth that praying manti are endangered or that it is illegal to kill them. Anyone who believes that shit past the age of 9 is retarded, including you.
[edit] Grasshopper

Record: 0 wins, 1 loss everyone hates you percentage
Offense: 2
Defense: 3
Speed: 9
Poison: No
Special Move: Fail attack
Fighting Style: Hops around until it dies

It appears that the coordinators either got incredibly drunk when choosing combatants or simply ran out of ideas. Either way, the grasshopper only appears in one fight and gets owned by a hornet. Its primary means of defense seemed to be to hop away, but since it was trapped in a plexiglass crate with a creature that could fly, it didn't stand much of a chance. Granted, it was a pretty fucking big grasshopper, and you'd probably scream like a little girl if you saw it.
[edit] Controversy
These people rage when you eat a chicken nugget in front of them, so what do you expect?
These people rage when you eat a chicken nugget in front of them, so what do you expect?

Of course, many see this cherished Japanese pastime not as an entertaining event, but as a cruel, sick game of animal cruelty. But those people are all a bunch of furries and animal fuckers, so nobody really cares what they think. One reason this stuff still takes place is because the creatures in question are all terrifying insects, and not cuddly farm animals or dolphins. You see, the lack of fur dissuades most animal rights activists from throwing hissyfits and picketing outside the Japanese Bug Fighting headquarters. Still, there are some hardcore PETA members that disdain the time honored tradition of bug dueling, and they're not afraid to let their feelings be known to the whole internet.




sick fuckers, i hope these bugs rip you to shreds when your sleeping



—Have fun falling asleep tonight





dont these people have anything else better to do then watch bugs fight those jackasses in the crowd need to learn how to get a life



—The answer to your question would be "No."





That's kind of fucked up. Both insects wanted to get the hell out of that cage. The human race is a scourge upon the earth



—Cry me a river, bitch.


Won't somebody think of the bugs?
Won't somebody think of the bugs?


yeah free mike vick....and lock you up instead.



—Dogs ≠ Crickets (not that there's anything wrong with dogfighting, of course)





*shakes head*... First whales and now insects... If we don't get japanese people and force them to fight in a glass box then there will be no animals left in this world! stoopid nips



—User schlicknick, saying what we're all thinking





I am asian but truly I am sickened by this.

why isnt this reported as animal abuse?
I know some of the bugs these guys are 'using' are illegal to kill because they are endangered.
And for all you assholes that think that all chinese or asians like this kind of bug violence then your a fucked up son of a bitch, to think that.




—A sick Asian


[edit] See Also

* Animal abuse
* Japan
* Spider
* Camel spider
* Centipedes
* Pokemon
* Mortal Kombat
* Michael Vick
* Awesome
* Win

[edit] External Links

* japanesebugfights.com
* Rules of Bug Fighting
* gladiatorbugs.com
* Bug Fight Compilation
* Tarantula pusses out before a Centipede
* Lobster gets owned by a Scorpion
* Home video of two black widows, a roach, and a praying mantis fighting
* Two rhinoceros beetles dueling
* Snake vs. Banana Slug
* 30 Hornets vs. 30,000 Bees
* Parody - /facepalm



Image:pooranimals_icon.gif Japanese Bug Fights is part of a series on bad things happening to animals.

[Expand] [Collapse] [Expand] 0
Basic Concepts

Furry • Bestiality • Taxidermy • Animal Abuse
Opposing Concepts

Animal rights • Vegetarian
BestiLOLity in Action

Poeticirony • Darkhorseman • Mr. Hands • WolfJLupus • Chibiabos • Charles-wolfman • ShadoWolffess • Snover • Skylos • Marry Your Pet • Neuticles.com • Dalhusky • Cory Williamson • Abbie Hawkins
Why We Don't Have Nice Things

Michael Vick, a.k.a. Ron Mexico • Chevy the Therapy Dog • City glitter • LinktheWolf • Staredog • Tinkebell • Wang Jeu • Zeriara • Zippocat • NEDM • David Motari • Camrose Cat Killers • "Mudkips" the cat • Heaven • Japanese Bug Fights
Revenge

Animal Liberation Front • Carlos Sousa Jr • Death Cat • Steve Irwin • PETA
Retrieved from "http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Japanese_Bug_Fights"

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julio 25, 2008 1:54 PM
Anónimo Anónimo dijo...

Joseph Evers welcomes new LinkedIn and Facebook connections!
Japanese Bug Fights
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to: navigation, search


Only in Japan...
Only in Japan...
THIS WILL BE OUR FINAL BATTLE!
THIS WILL BE OUR FINAL BATTLE!

Japanese Bug Fights are, in essence, the pinnacle of Japanese culture and one of the most awesome things you can find on the internets (right behind pornography and Encyclopedia Dramatica). The phrase "Japanese Bug Fights" refers to a 30-part video series featuring various kinds of insects, arachnids, and other terrifying creatures battling to the death in a little plastic arena. Naturally, something this fucked up could only come from Japan.
Contents
[hide]

* 1 The Videos
* 2 Round The 1th: FIGHT!
* 3 Competitors
o 3.1 Beetles
o 3.2 Scorpions
o 3.3 Jerusalem Cricket
o 3.4 Camel Spider
o 3.5 African Cave Spider (Tailless Whip Scorpion)
o 3.6 Centipedes
o 3.7 Japanese Hornet
o 3.8 Tarantula
o 3.9 Lobster
o 3.10 Praying Mantis
o 3.11 Grasshopper
* 4 Controversy
* 5 See Also
* 6 External Links

[edit] The Videos
Check out those hi-tech grafix.
Check out those hi-tech grafix.
They have one lifting weights, WTF?
They have one lifting weights, WTF?
Anon will make a Godhand Edit out of anything.
Anon will make a Godhand Edit out of anything.

The videos have gained quite a bit of notoriety and infamy on the webs, and are very popular among both 13 year old boys and sick fucks who like watching things kill each other (the internet's two key demographics). The videos are all hosted on japanesebugfights.com, but most of the videos, as well as others, can be found on gladiatorbugs.com or YouTube.

Japanesebugfights.com seems to be the original source of the videos. The videos have all sorts of elaborate graphics, sound effects, and epic music played in the background, making the videos all the lulzier. Additionally, one thing that is simultaneously great yet irritating about the videos is that trademark Japanese commentary. While Japanese commentary can make pretty much any event hilarious, it's impossible to tell what's being said, since nobody has ever bothered to translate the moonspeak. This becomes a problem at the end of some of the videos, since there isn't always a clear winner and both bugs are sometimes left alive. It is assumed that the Japs then go to the scorecard to declare the winner. And perhaps the lulziest part of all is that the site displays ads for pest control during the whole thing. In addition to the 30-part video series, the site also has a section for user-submitted content. However, there are only 4 user-submitted videos, one of which was baleeted from YouTube. Finally, there's a rules section, showing that this forced battling of mindless creatures is, in fact, very organized and professional.

RULES OF JAPANESE BUG FIGHTS

1th Rule: You do not talk about Japanese Bug Fights.
2th Rule: You DO NOT talk about Japanese Bug Fights.
3th Rule: If a bug says "stop," goes limp, or taps out, the fight is over.
4th Rule: Only two bugs to a fight.
5th Rule: One fight at a time.
6th Rule: No shirts, no shoes.
7th Rule: Fights will go on as long as they have to.
8th Rule: If this is your first night at Japanese Bug Fights, you HAVE to fight.

Oh sorry, those are the rules to Fight Club. Though it shares a couple rules with Fight Club, Japanese Bug Fights is actually closer to Thunderdome's "two men enter, one man leaves":

1. Two Bugs to a fight
2. Bug fights go on as long as they have to
3. No outside weapons in Bug Fights

Of course, use of pokeballs, or other trainer intervention is not possible, as the participants are isolated in the plastic cube.

On the Americanized site Gladiatorbugs.com, most of these videos are hosted along with a bunch of others from around the web. Coupled with the videos are descriptions and information on some of the noble insect warriors. This site also allows comments, so you get some interesting discussion, as well.

Finally, as with mostly anything else in the world, you can find tons of these videos on YouTube. And, of course, the best thing about watching the videos on YouTube is reading the comments. Along with the standard "ZOMG AWESOME 5 STARS!!1" responses and the inevitable whining about animal rights, there's also a fair amount of professional analysis of the fights and people arguing over their favorite competitors. For example:




dude, do you even know what ur saying??

OFCOURSE THE SCORP WILL WIN IF IT'S TWICE AS BIG... >.> because the stag beetle dun have offence anymore of it's fangs..




—YouTube commenter AntieTurk defending his competitor of choice





HAHAHAHA!!!!! No law in insects fighting. fuck you PETA!



—Commenter viperpack shares his two cents


[edit] Round The 1th: FIGHT!

The first video in the series - Camel Spider vs. Giant Cricket (Orthopteran)




Let's SEE what happens if the Japanese Bug Fighting Federation has the Jerusalem Cricket (potato bug?) fights either a Goliath spider or a Assassin Bug or even a Black Widow Spider?? Or a army of Fire Ants Or Bulldog Ants?



—The possibilities are endless



The final video in the series - Stag Beetle vs. Scorpion




very technical fight. the bug sweaped scopian from a side control to a kimura. scopian was able to free his arm from what appeared to be an arm bar but was picked up and slammed.



—suncoast233 gives a very detailed fight analysis


Tarantula, kicking ass
Tarantula, kicking ass
Hornet, I choose you!
Hornet, I choose you!
Beetle versus scorpion in the finals
Beetle versus scorpion in the finals

* The 1th - Giant Cricket (Orthopteran) vs. Camel Spider (and yes, they actually spell it with a "th")
* The 2th - Scorpion vs. Hornet (not available on JBF.com)
* The 3th - Stag Beetle vs. Scorpion
* The 4th - Tropical Centipede vs. Hornet
* The 5th - Stag Beetle vs. Atlas Beetle
* The 6th - Camel Spider vs. Praying Mantis
* The 7th - Scorpion vs. Tarantula
* The 8th - Stag Beetle vs. Lobster
* The 9th - Cave Centipede vs. Cricket (Orthopteran)
* The 10th - Hornet vs. Praying Mantis
* The 11th - Scorpion vs. Lobster
* The 12th - Tropical Centipede vs. Hornet - (Rematch)
* The 13th - Tarantula vs. Rhinoceros Beetle
* The 14th - African Cave Spider vs. Praying Mantis
* The 15th - Hornet vs. Scorpion - (Rematch)
* The 16th - Scorpion vs. Tropical Centipede
* The 17th - Scorpion vs. Tarantula
* The 18th - Cricket (Orthopteran) vs. Praying Mantis
* The 19th - Camel Spider vs. Praying Mantis
* The 20th - Atlas Beetle vs. Lobster
* The 21th - Scorpion vs. Tropical Centipede - Rematch
* The 22th - Scorpion vs. Scorpion
* The 23th - Stag Beetle vs. Tropical Centipede
* The 24th - Tropical Centipede vs. Scorpion - Again
* The 25th - Atlas Beetle vs. Scorpion
* The 26th - Tarantula vs. African Cave Spider
* The 27th - Hornet vs. Grasshopper
* The 28th - African Cave Spider vs. Fail Beetle
* The 29th - Tropical Centipede vs. Scorpion
* The 30th - Stag Beetle vs. Scorpion

[edit] Competitors

Japanese Bug Fighting features a wide variety of horrifying creatures that could most likely kick your ass in a fight. The bugs that compete are the kind of stuff of which nightmares are made. Below are all of the warriors, along with descriptions and rankings.
[edit] Beetles

(Champion)

Record: 7 wins 2 losses, 1 mirror match .777 winning percentage
Offense: 6
Defense: 9
Speed: 4
Poison: No
Special Move: Body slam
Fighting Style: Utilizes strength to push opponents around, relies on hard shell for defense

The beetles are sort of the tank class of the bugs, relying on their superior defenses to best their enemies. There are actually four different kinds of beetles that compete, two of which are pretty kickass. There's the stag beetle, which has two pincers, and there's the slightly larger atlas beetle, which has three. One would think that MOAR would be better, but as the 5th video in the series proves it isn't the size that matters, it's the technique (A theory which does not carry over to penis size, by the way; enjoy your small cock). Then there's the rhinoceros beetle. The rhinoceros was smaller, and pretty crappy in general. In his only battle he recorded the beetles' first loss to the tarantula, in the 13th round. He was subsequently cut from the team, but this was really just a formality, as the tarantula had already made a bug juice smoothy out of him. Also, a plain old beetle was pretty much fed to an African Cave Spider as a sorry excuse for Round 28.
[edit] Scorpions

(Finalist)

Record: 6 wins, 6 losses, 1 mirror match .500 winning percentage
Offense: 10
Defense: 4
Speed: 5
Poison: Yes
Special Move: Tail swipe
Fighting Style: Stays away from opponent, then uses deadly stinger when confronted

If bug fighting were a vidya game, the scorpions would be the mage class. They don't have great defenses, but they can land a one-hit-kill at any moment. There are also a few different kinds of scorpions that compete, but they all look pretty similar, so nobody actually cares what the different species are. The scorpions usually tend to run away from their enemies, striking only when in danger. However, since they're confined to a 1 ft. plastic box, it's not likely that they're going to get away.
[edit] Jerusalem Cricket

Record: 2 wins, 0 losses, 1 draw 1.000 or .666 winning percentage
Offense: 6
Defense: 7
Speed: 6
Poison: No
Special Move: Jewjitsu kick
Fighting Style: Remains aggressive and uses powerful mouth/cutters, relies on solid defenses to withstand attacks

These giant cricket-like things (Jerusalem Cricket, Potato Bug, Orthopteran... whateverthefuck they're called) are surprisingly effective fighters. They have boltcutter-like mouths, and due to their medium size, are able to effectively attack most opponents.
[edit] Camel Spider

Record: 2 wins, 1 loss .666 winning percentage
Offense: 7
Defense: 5
Speed: 8
Poison: No
Special Move: Jihad
Fighting Style: Utilizes superior speed and size to best opponents

Despite only having had two victories against praying mantises and losing horribly to a cricket, fan favorite and living legend, the camel spider carries quite a presence in the bug arena. They're not quite as large as the Iraqi ones that you're used to seeing on the internets, but they're still pretty fucking scary. While they are not actually venomous, they are nonetheless incredibly fast and strong; one of these fuckers bites you, and you'll know about it. This can put them at a disadvantage to the really nasty stingers.

A camel spider lost in the 1th video to a Jerusalem Cricket, which is kind of weird considering that camel spiders have been known to eat Jerusalem Crickets. It is reported that a team was sent to capture a larger Iraqi camel spider for use in battle. There were no survivors.
[edit] African Cave Spider (Tailless Whip Scorpion)

Record: 2 wins, 1 loss .666 winning percentage
Offense: 7
Defense: 5
Speed: 4
Poison: No
Special Move: Vice grip
Fighting Style: Uses size and the powerful offensive capabilities of their large claws to its advantage

Remember that one episode of Fear Factor where they had to eat something and were in a casino, and Joe Rogan pulled the cover off that roulette table, and you were like, "OH GOD WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE?!" Those were African Cave Spiders. They have proved to be pretty effective fighters, but weren't featured in many fights for some reason.
[edit] Centipedes

Record: 4 wins, 3 losses, 1 draw .625 or .571 winning percentage
Offense: 6
Defense: 4
Speed: 7
Poison: Yes
Special Move: Slither attack
Fighting Style: Slithers around and uses speed to bypass opponent's attacks, utilizes venom for the kill

In addition to being formidable fighters, the centipedes that compete are quite fucking scary. The two different varieties consist of a tropical one with yellow legs and an equally terrifying one with legs like a fucking daddy long legs. They can both be obtained by searching the closest vagina in the vicinity.
[edit] Japanese Hornet

Record: 3 wins, 3 losses .500 winning percentage
Offense: 8
Defense: 5
Speed: 8
Poison: Yes
Special Move: The Stinger®
Fighting Style: Takes advantage of flight capabilities to stay out of danger, highly aggressive

A pretty fierce competitor, the Hornet frequently pulls off upsets on much larger opponents. Not that it would really matter in the real world, since, you know, they can fly and everything.
[edit] Tarantula

Record: 2 wins, 2 losses .500 winning percentage
Offense: 7
Defense: 6
Speed: 4
Poison: Yes
Special Move: Glomp
Fighting Style: Use size to intimidate opponent and gain position, then bites when there's an opening

Exactly what you'd expect; a big-ass spider. However, Tarantulas happen to be particularly fragile critters, and something as simple as a broken arm can mean death. Tarantulas, like all arthropods, have an open circulatory system, and their "blood" doesn't clot, so once they get holed they'll either bleed out or the insect version of Don King will have the fight stopped because big spiders are fucking expensive. Kind of like the flame tank in Command and Conquer.
[edit] Lobster

Record: 0 wins, 3 losses fail percentage
Offense: 5
Defense: 5
Speed: 3
Poison: No
Special Move: Claw pinch, weight lifting
Fighting Style: Uses pincers to ward off enemies, tries not to die, fails

Nobody's really quite sure why the hell these things were chosen for battle. They're not the usual big red lobsters that you're used to eating, though, but miniature fightin' ones. They usually put up a good fight, but in the end, lose every time. The organizers also put some water in the arena when the lobsters fight so they aren't at too much of a disadvantage. Again, nobody knows why the fuck these things are even there.
[edit] Praying Mantis

Record: 0 wins, 5 losses mega fail percentage
Offense: 5
Defense: 4
Speed: 6
Poison: No
Special Move: Kung-fu action arms
Fighting Style: Approaches opponents tentatively, pins down opponents

Despite what one might think, the mantises actually suck ass in Bug Fights. Although they're known for their bug killin' prowess in the real world, the bug arena really isn't suited to them. They're fighting style is more along the lines of the assassin class, so head-to-head confrontations don't go so well. They lose all of their fights, much to the disappointment of viewers.




poor mantis DID U KNOW YOU COULD GET SUED FOR KILLED THAT BEAUTIFUL CREATURE



—YouTube user kkgurlxoxo, after watching a praying mantis get its shit ruined by a camel spider


FACT: It's a stupid schoolyard myth that praying manti are endangered or that it is illegal to kill them. Anyone who believes that shit past the age of 9 is retarded, including you.
[edit] Grasshopper

Record: 0 wins, 1 loss everyone hates you percentage
Offense: 2
Defense: 3
Speed: 9
Poison: No
Special Move: Fail attack
Fighting Style: Hops around until it dies

It appears that the coordinators either got incredibly drunk when choosing combatants or simply ran out of ideas. Either way, the grasshopper only appears in one fight and gets owned by a hornet. Its primary means of defense seemed to be to hop away, but since it was trapped in a plexiglass crate with a creature that could fly, it didn't stand much of a chance. Granted, it was a pretty fucking big grasshopper, and you'd probably scream like a little girl if you saw it.
[edit] Controversy
These people rage when you eat a chicken nugget in front of them, so what do you expect?
These people rage when you eat a chicken nugget in front of them, so what do you expect?

Of course, many see this cherished Japanese pastime not as an entertaining event, but as a cruel, sick game of animal cruelty. But those people are all a bunch of furries and animal fuckers, so nobody really cares what they think. One reason this stuff still takes place is because the creatures in question are all terrifying insects, and not cuddly farm animals or dolphins. You see, the lack of fur dissuades most animal rights activists from throwing hissyfits and picketing outside the Japanese Bug Fighting headquarters. Still, there are some hardcore PETA members that disdain the time honored tradition of bug dueling, and they're not afraid to let their feelings be known to the whole internet.




sick fuckers, i hope these bugs rip you to shreds when your sleeping



—Have fun falling asleep tonight





dont these people have anything else better to do then watch bugs fight those jackasses in the crowd need to learn how to get a life



—The answer to your question would be "No."





That's kind of fucked up. Both insects wanted to get the hell out of that cage. The human race is a scourge upon the earth



—Cry me a river, bitch.


Won't somebody think of the bugs?
Won't somebody think of the bugs?


yeah free mike vick....and lock you up instead.



—Dogs ≠ Crickets (not that there's anything wrong with dogfighting, of course)





*shakes head*... First whales and now insects... If we don't get japanese people and force them to fight in a glass box then there will be no animals left in this world! stoopid nips



—User schlicknick, saying what we're all thinking





I am asian but truly I am sickened by this.

why isnt this reported as animal abuse?
I know some of the bugs these guys are 'using' are illegal to kill because they are endangered.
And for all you assholes that think that all chinese or asians like this kind of bug violence then your a fucked up son of a bitch, to think that.




—A sick Asian


[edit] See Also

* Animal abuse
* Japan
* Spider
* Camel spider
* Centipedes
* Pokemon
* Mortal Kombat
* Michael Vick
* Awesome
* Win

[edit] External Links

* japanesebugfights.com
* Rules of Bug Fighting
* gladiatorbugs.com
* Bug Fight Compilation
* Tarantula pusses out before a Centipede
* Lobster gets owned by a Scorpion
* Home video of two black widows, a roach, and a praying mantis fighting
* Two rhinoceros beetles dueling
* Snake vs. Banana Slug
* 30 Hornets vs. 30,000 Bees
* Parody - /facepalm



Image:pooranimals_icon.gif Japanese Bug Fights is part of a series on bad things happening to animals.

[Expand] [Collapse] [Expand] 0
Basic Concepts

Furry • Bestiality • Taxidermy • Animal Abuse
Opposing Concepts

Animal rights • Vegetarian
BestiLOLity in Action

Poeticirony • Darkhorseman • Mr. Hands • WolfJLupus • Chibiabos • Charles-wolfman • ShadoWolffess • Snover • Skylos • Marry Your Pet • Neuticles.com • Dalhusky • Cory Williamson • Abbie Hawkins
Why We Don't Have Nice Things

Michael Vick, a.k.a. Ron Mexico • Chevy the Therapy Dog • City glitter • LinktheWolf • Staredog • Tinkebell • Wang Jeu • Zeriara • Zippocat • NEDM • David Motari • Camrose Cat Killers • "Mudkips" the cat • Heaven • Japanese Bug Fights
Revenge

Animal Liberation Front • Carlos Sousa Jr • Death Cat • Steve Irwin • PETA
Retrieved from "http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Japanese_Bug_Fights"

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Anónimo dijo...

NO MAMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Roberto dijo...

que pedo con ese wey?

Luis dijo...

De hecho, es spam esta cagadisimo, leanlo.

r0bs dijo...

q weba

Eduardo dijo...

"That's kind of fucked up. Both insects wanted to get the hell out of that cage. The human race is a scourge upon the earth"

Jojojo.

Diego יַעֲקֹב dijo...

matathe, queria mas, dejo fuck, proceso vagina, montar chichis... HAHAHA!

Diego יַעֲקֹב dijo...

by the way... que raros son los japos :-S

Asgard dijo...

jesus Oh???

Anónimo dijo...

a ver si este tambien te gusta...


1
00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:05,480
¿Es Ud. Henry?

2
00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:09,680
Sí.

3
00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:12,120
Una tal Mary
le llamó por teléfono.

4
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:15,080
Dijo que le invitaba a cenar
en casa de sus padres.

5
00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:19,400
¿Ah, sí?

6
00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:31,480
Muchas gracias.

7
00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:23,480
Llegas tarde, Henry.

8
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:34,160
No sabía si debía venir
o no.

9
00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:36,000
¿Dónde has estado?

10
00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:44,200
Ya no vienes a verme.

11
00:16:57,660 --> 00:16:59,060
La cena está lista.

12
00:17:15,660 --> 00:17:16,740
Entra.

13
00:17:42,220 --> 00:17:43,100
Buenas.

14
00:17:45,180 --> 00:17:46,060
Hola.

15
00:17:50,620 --> 00:17:52,260
Encantado de conocerla.

16
00:17:56,020 --> 00:17:56,900
Siéntese.

17
00:18:23,820 --> 00:18:25,180
Henry, ¿no es cierto?

18
00:18:28,220 --> 00:18:29,020
Sí.

19
00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:50,080
Mary dice que Ud.
es una buena persona.

20
00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:52,200
¿A qué se dedica?

21
00:18:54,360 --> 00:18:55,960
Estoy de vacaciones.

22
00:18:58,160 --> 00:18:59,400
¿A qué se dedicaba?

23
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:02,600
¡Oh, lo siento!

24
00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:08,680
Trabajo en la fábrica Lapell...

25
00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:13,200
una imprenta.

26
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:16,280
Henry es muy inteligente.

27
00:19:20,690 --> 00:19:22,570
Sí, suena inteligente.

28
00:19:32,170 --> 00:19:34,010
Creí oír a un extraño.

29
00:19:35,130 --> 00:19:36,450
Tenemos pollo esta noche.

30
00:19:37,650 --> 00:19:39,690
Cosas extrañas hechas
por el hombre.

31
00:19:39,850 --> 00:19:42,290
Más pequeñas que mi puño.

32
00:19:42,490 --> 00:19:43,850
Pero son la novedad.

33
00:19:45,530 --> 00:19:46,570
Me llamo Bill.

34
00:19:48,690 --> 00:19:50,570
Hola, yo soy Henry.

35
00:19:51,250 --> 00:19:53,130
Henry trabaja en Lapell's.

36
00:19:53,610 --> 00:19:56,650
Imprenta, ¿eh?
Pues yo soy fontanero. Treinta años.

37
00:19:56,850 --> 00:20:00,090
Vi transformarse esta zona
de pradera en un infierno.

38
00:20:00,290 --> 00:20:02,130
Puse todas las tuberías
de la zona.

39
00:20:03,090 --> 00:20:04,330
- ¡Papá!
- ¡Bill!

40
00:20:04,690 --> 00:20:07,130
Piensan que las tuberías
crecen solas, pero le juro que no.

41
00:20:07,330 --> 00:20:08,410
¡Mire mis rodillas!

42
00:20:09,570 --> 00:20:10,690
¡Mire mis rodillas!

43
00:20:11,010 --> 00:20:11,930
¡Bill!

44
00:20:14,090 --> 00:20:15,450
- ¿Tiene Ud. hambre?
- ¡Bill!

45
00:22:27,750 --> 00:22:30,590
Las chicas ya han oído esto.

46
00:22:31,870 --> 00:22:35,750
Hace 14 años
me operaron el brazo.

47
00:22:36,110 --> 00:22:38,390
Dijeron que no podría
volver a usarlo.

48
00:22:38,550 --> 00:22:40,550
Y ellos qué mierda saben,
digo yo.

49
00:22:40,750 --> 00:22:43,270
Empecé a frotarlo media hora
cada día

50
00:22:44,470 --> 00:22:47,470
y poco después
se movía un poco.

51
00:22:47,670 --> 00:22:50,150
Luego ya podía hacer girar
los tapones,

52
00:22:50,390 --> 00:22:52,030
y al final mi brazo
funcionaba otra vez.

53
00:22:52,590 --> 00:22:54,870
Ahora no siento nada en él...

54
00:22:55,270 --> 00:22:56,470
Completamente paralizado.

55
00:23:01,510 --> 00:23:04,310
Tengo miedo de cortarlo,
¿sabes?

56
00:23:05,790 --> 00:23:08,190
Mary es la que lo corta
normalmente, pero,

57
00:23:08,830 --> 00:23:11,750
quizá hoy podrías hacerlo tú.

58
00:23:13,150 --> 00:23:14,270
¿Te parece bien?

59
00:23:20,150 --> 00:23:21,110
Por supuesto.

60
00:23:24,870 --> 00:23:25,950
Encantado.

61
00:23:32,870 --> 00:23:34,230
¿Lo corto...

62
00:23:35,830 --> 00:23:37,350
como un pollo normal?

63
00:23:37,550 --> 00:23:39,390
Claro, como un pollo normal.

64
00:24:32,810 --> 00:24:34,290
Se pondrá bien enseguida.

65
00:24:37,770 --> 00:24:38,650
Perdonen.

66
00:25:13,250 --> 00:25:14,810
Bien Henry,
¿y tú qué sabes?

67
00:25:22,490 --> 00:25:24,210
Pues más bien poca cosa.

68
00:26:00,130 --> 00:26:01,010
Henry,

69
00:26:01,650 --> 00:26:03,090
¿puedo hablarle un momento?

70
00:26:04,290 --> 00:26:05,250
Por aquí.

71
00:26:49,250 --> 00:26:51,850
¿Ha tenido relaciones sexuales
con Mary?

72
00:26:55,650 --> 00:26:57,410
- ¿Cómo?
- ¿Las tuvieron?

73
00:27:00,570 --> 00:27:04,210
- ¿Por qué me hace esa pregunta?
- Tengo una buena razón.

74
00:27:04,730 --> 00:27:06,610
Así que contésteme.

75
00:27:09,850 --> 00:27:11,330
Pues estoy muy...

76
00:27:12,730 --> 00:27:13,690
Amo a Mary.

77
00:27:13,890 --> 00:27:17,890
Henry, le pregunto si tuvo
relaciones sexuales con Mary.

78
00:27:19,930 --> 00:27:22,650
- Ese no es su problema.
- ¡Henry!

79
00:27:24,490 --> 00:27:25,570
Lo siento.

80
00:27:28,770 --> 00:27:32,330
Va a tener problemas
si no coopera.

81
00:27:39,210 --> 00:27:41,050
Bueno, pues yo...

82
00:27:43,330 --> 00:27:44,290
¡Mary!

83
00:27:46,210 --> 00:27:47,290
¡Mamá!

84
00:27:48,410 --> 00:27:49,490
¡Contésteme!

85
00:27:51,450 --> 00:27:52,930
Estoy demasiado nervioso.

86
00:27:53,170 --> 00:27:54,290
Hay un bebé.

87
00:27:54,850 --> 00:27:56,690
- Está en el hospital.
- ¡Mamá!

88
00:27:56,930 --> 00:27:58,250
Y Ud. es el padre.

89
00:27:58,890 --> 00:28:00,330
Eso es imposible.

90
00:28:00,610 --> 00:28:03,010
Mamá, no están muy seguros
de que sea un bebé.

91
00:28:03,170 --> 00:28:05,090
Es prematuro,
pero es un bebé.

92
00:28:05,410 --> 00:28:09,090
Cuando se casen, que será pronto,
podran recogerlo.

93
00:28:24,330 --> 00:28:26,450
Mamá, sangra por la nariz.

94
00:28:31,450 --> 00:28:32,530
Traeré hielo.

95
00:28:37,850 --> 00:28:39,610
¿No te importa, Henry?

96
00:28:40,650 --> 00:28:42,330
Quiero decir casarnos.

97
00:28:45,410 --> 00:28:46,370
No.

98
00:28:57,490 --> 00:28:59,370
La cena se está enfriando.

99
00:34:37,630 --> 00:34:38,990
¿Hay correo?

100
00:34:43,230 --> 00:34:43,950
No.

101
00:37:48,430 --> 00:37:49,350
¡Cállate!

102
00:37:55,350 --> 00:37:56,350
¡Cállate!

103
00:39:02,190 --> 00:39:04,470
¡No lo soporto!
¡Me voy a casa!

104
00:39:09,870 --> 00:39:11,230
¿Qué estás diciendo?

105
00:39:11,550 --> 00:39:14,350
No puedo dormir,
me estoy volviendo loca.

106
00:39:15,150 --> 00:39:18,150
Estás de vacaciones,
podrías cuidarle una noche.

107
00:39:20,230 --> 00:39:21,670
¿Volverás mañana?

108
00:39:23,150 --> 00:39:25,830
Sólo quiero dormir
una noche en paz.

109
00:39:35,030 --> 00:39:36,950
¿Por qué no te quedas
en tu casa?

110
00:39:39,430 --> 00:39:40,830
Haré lo que quiera.

111
00:39:42,590 --> 00:39:46,190
Y será mejor que te ocupes
de todo mientras no estoy.

112
00:43:05,390 --> 00:43:07,030
¡Oh, estás enfermo!

113
00:50:48,270 --> 00:50:49,190
Córrete.

114
00:51:24,400 --> 00:51:25,720
Córrete.

115
00:51:27,040 --> 00:51:28,080
¡Córrete!

116
00:55:28,160 --> 00:55:30,320
Dejé las llaves
en mi departamento.

117
00:55:47,060 --> 00:55:48,460
Y es tan tarde...

118
00:56:47,220 --> 00:56:48,700
¿Dónde está tu esposa?

119
00:56:59,620 --> 00:57:02,140
Debe haber vuelto
con sus padres.

120
00:57:07,660 --> 00:57:08,900
No estoy seguro.

121
00:58:02,340 --> 00:58:04,100
¿Puedo pasar la noche aquí?

122
01:00:21,510 --> 01:00:24,270
En el cielo,

123
01:00:24,630 --> 01:00:27,710
todo es maravilloso.

124
01:00:27,950 --> 01:00:30,150
En el cielo,

125
01:00:30,790 --> 01:00:33,950
todo es maravilloso.

126
01:00:34,110 --> 01:00:36,670
En el cielo,

127
01:00:36,910 --> 01:00:40,110
todo es maravilloso.

128
01:00:40,670 --> 01:00:45,270
Conseguiste tus cosas buenas

129
01:00:45,430 --> 01:00:48,750
y yo las mías.

130
01:06:26,670 --> 01:06:28,550
¡Ok., Paul!

131
01:06:37,110 --> 01:06:38,710
Hola, hijo.
¿Qué traes?

132
01:07:02,710 --> 01:07:03,910
¡Al mostrador, Paul!

133
01:09:16,500 --> 01:09:17,660
¡Está bien!

Astral Insomnia dijo...

pinche spam :S

pero esta muy chida la aplicacion!

aunque tu resultado fue un poco raro, con esas frases que se forman jejeje

RAH dijo...

¿¿Gatito?? ¿cómo jijos gatito es una de las palabras más usuales en tu blog y fuck aparece atras?

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